Saturday, May 29, 2010

CHANGE YOUR MIND ABOUT SOMETHING

Yesterday I was quietly sitting at my computer writing (ok surfing for pictures of woman in slave Princess Leia outfits) with my cat lounging innocently on my desk next to me when my wife burst into the office with a pair of scissors. “It’s time to take the stitches out of the cat,” She said ominously. It had been 14 days since our cat (Mr. Sneaches) had minor surgery to remove a large mole.

I was shocked at her statement. “I’ll make an appointment with the vet tomorrow,” I said.
“Then one of us will have to take off from work. Let’s just do it ourselves, right now!” she jeered while focusing the desk lamp on the unsuspecting victim.

“Are you insane? You’re not a Vet. You don’t know what you are doing,” I protested shielding the cat from her advance.

“Come on. It’s no big deal. You get under the knot and, snip, snip, snip.” I was convinced she was out of her mind. This delicate procedure could only be carried out in a modern sterile surgical arena and only by a team of highly trained professionals. At one point I was running through the house, cradling the poor animal while my crazed wife chased us both with rusty garden sheers. My wife informs me that this last part might be an exaggeration, but that’s what I remember.

After everyone calmed down (and the cat was temporarily given over to the custordy of the neighbors for its own safety), it was agreed that I would call my wife’s father (who really is a vet) and ask if it is alright for her to remove the stitches. He informed me that she had seen and assisted in this procedure dozens of times before. As long as she sterilizes the cuticle scissors (which she had already done) all would be fine.
Everything went off without a hitch and the cat didn’t even know what happened. I was completely wrong. Apparently this sort of postoperative surgery is so simple you can do it on a Latin American bus traveling up the side of a dusty mountain trail surrounded by livestock and malaria. (I am now being informed by my wife that this also might be incorrect)

The point is - it’s ok to be wrong. I am always learning and because of this, I am constantly adjusting my preconceived notions. I am happy and proud to admit that.

Monday, May 24, 2010

ANOTHER PUBLIC SERVICE BROUGHT TO YOU BY THE TEXAS BOARD OF EDUCATION

Texas School Board COLOR This week the Texas Board of Education adopted new teaching guidelines which include the following: deluding the rationale behind separation of church and state, removing Thomas Jefferson as an example of an influential political philosopher (because he was a secularist) and teaching that McCarthyism was justified. So you’re saying to yourself, “that’s Texas. They have the right to teach their kids whatever they want.” The problem is that national book publishers don’t usually make different school books for different states. The Texas market is so large the rest of the nation gets stuck with their school books.

Sunday, May 16, 2010

THE CHURCH ISN’T LIABLE FOR SEXUAL ABUSE BECAUSE PRIESTS AREN’T EMPLOYEES OF THE VATICAN



I don’t want my blog to be about religion all the time (really) but:  Monday, attorneys for the Vatican will be defending themselves against a sexual abuse claim brought against them in a federal court.

“The Vatican is expected to assert that bishops aren't its employees because they aren't paid by Rome, don't act on Rome's behalf and aren't controlled day-to-day by the pope - factors courts use to determine whether employers are liable for the actions of their employees, (The Vatican's U.S. attorney, Jeffrey) Lena told the AP.
He said he would suggest to the court that it should avoid using the religious nature of the relationship between bishops and the pope as a basis for civil liability because it entangles the court in an analysis of religious doctrine that dates back to the apostles.” - Associated press

THESE FUCKING GUYS!

Saturday, May 15, 2010

ACCURATE CPR INSTRUCTIONS

Can you believe this video? Don’t they know that the American Heart Association put out a report, way back in 2008, recommending that people NOT use mouth-to-mouth while administering CPR. The AHA found that uninterrupted hands-only CPR (100 compressions a minute) works just as well as the standard CPR for adults experiencing sudden cardiac arrest. If you want accurate instructions for CPR, I suggest this website instead. It’s much better, with text only - no annoying pictures.

Monday, May 10, 2010

BP & KATRINA – A COMPARISON MADE BY MEATHEADS

There is this episode of “All in the Family” where both Archie and Michael each tell their version of an event that had just occurred. It is quickly proven that Archie’s version of the story is a complete fabrication but then it is pointed out that Michael’s version is also wrong. Gloria says to Michael, “You’re as bad as my father.” At which point Archie bursts into laughter “Ha, hear that Meathead, you’re as bad as I am!” For those of you who are too young to know what “All in the Family” is (I hate you) the joke is this: Without knowing it, Archie just made fun of himself.

The conservative news outlets are saying this oil spill is Barack Obama’s Katrina. What does this mean?
Are conservatives saying Obama is handling this disaster as badly as President Bush handled Katrina? If that is the case, isn’t the conservative media admitting that it’s been lying by saying that the response to Katrina wasn’t George Bush’s fault; that contrary to what they have been saying, Bush actually DID do a crappy job. Doesn’t this means that the apologies Fox and their ilk have been peddling, for the last five years, in relation to Katrina, have all been lies?
Or is the conservative media saying that just like Bush, Barack Obama is doing the best he can with what is, admittedly, a bad situation and, like Bush, Obama is being unfairly criticized by main stream the media.
Conservatives, can you please clarify this for me.

Friday, May 7, 2010

Wednesday, May 5, 2010

Psychic Cows and the Squirrels of Dubious 9



Would you like to go on an extraordinary journey, to a fantastic planet; filled with incredible creatures, never before seen or even imagined by humans? You would? Then strap yourself in. Are you ready? Here we go…but first, I have to ask you a question. If ESP and telekinesis really does exist, why don’t we see these forces everywhere in nature? Proponents of the paranormal believe animals have more psychic abilities then humans. Do you think that’s true? I know that question seams off topic from a promised trip to another planet but as you’ll see, the answer to this question is the reason for the journey. So, let’s blast off. We’re traveling a thousand light years, to a fictional world, one in which nature uses all the benefits that ESP and telekinesis would offer, if those skills really did exist. Our space ship speeds across the galaxy in a blink of a eye. We have just arrived at the planet Dubious 9.
We feel a faint vibration as our vessel descends into the atmosphere. One of the unique characteristics we notice about the inhabitants of the planet Dubious is that, although ship sensors detect many species of animals on the planet’s surface, there doesn’t seem to be a lot of movement. On this planet, animals aren’t running around chasing each other. Why should they?  On earth, a cheetah expends a lot of calories running down a gazelle. These animals don’t have to go to all that trouble. On Dubious 9, as we will soon discover, it’s not about speed. It’s all about power. 

Saturday, May 1, 2010

EVERYONE DRAW MUHAMMAD DAY

May 20th is “Everyone Draw Muhammad Day.” (EDMD) The idea started showing up on the internet ,after an implied threat by a radical Islamic website, became public, targeting Trey Parker and Matt Stone, the creators of the TV show “South Park.” Recently they had committed “blaspheme” by portraying the prophet Muhammad in their cartoon. To be clear,Trey and Matt did not show an image of Muhammad (which is strictly forbidden in Islamic law). Instead, they portrayed the prophet “disguised” in a bear suit, like a mascot at a sporting event. I have to hand it to them. Sometimes those guys are pure geniuses. The Radical Islamic website didn’t see it that way. They warned the “South Park Producers” that they would probably suffer the same fate as the filmmaker, Theo Van Gogh, who was murdered in 2004.
You probably have heard this story by now, but here are a couple of interesting takes on the whole thing. First, many of the news segments reporting this story include the video clip of the bear – you know the one with Muhammad inside. (Shhh. It’s secretly ironic.)
The second observation is, that in a way, this media story helps us see what each news organization thinks about the subject of free speech. They either understand that this story is important or they don’t. I made a very, very informal survey to see which news media were covering the story and which were not. On April 28 2010, I simple went to each media outlet’s main web page and typed in “Everyone Draw Muhammad Day,” in the search bar. Here are the results along with my analysis. I freely acknowledge ,that my interpretations, more closely resemble me looking at a Rorschach Test then a legitimate analyst, but here it goes anyway.

ABC, CBS, CNN and USA today, returned no results, not even covering the original threat. I guess the issue of free speech is not as important as that story about “American Idol wannabees.” (Those kids are so spunky).