Rational Crank

The Greatest Speech Ever Made..by Charlie Chaplin

2012-02-13T17:30:00.001-05:00

In the movie The Great Dictator, Charlie Chaplin plays a poor Jewish shop keeper who just happens to resemble a ruthless dictator of a powerful fascist state. Through a series of odd circumstances, Chaplin’s "Little Tramp" finds himself addressing a massive war rally, dressed as the tyrant. This is one of Chaplin’s rare speaking roles. In fact, in this entire movie, this is the only time Chaplin speaks at all. Here is what he said:

HOW CAN WE MAKE A DIFFERENCE?

2012-01-31T17:00:00.004-05:00

It has been two months since my last post. Forgive me. My mother just had open heart surgery and I am sure you will understand when I say my thoughts were not on this blog but elsewhere. She is in rehabilitation now and is progressing, albeit, slowly. I often say I do not want this blog to constantly be about religion, but this seems to be one of those moments when I feel my comments on the subject, carry some extra weight. As an Atheist, I must admit that it is moments like this, that I do believe religious people are more fortunate than nonbelievers (in at least one respect). It is hard being an Atheist and not having anyone to beg to. I can do nothing. Praying (or not praying) will not change the outcome of any surgery. I am left with nothing to do but sit outside the operating room and wait. I can call relatives up North, and keep them informed of my mother’s progress. I can console my nieces. I can (of course) try to take care of my father. I can make sure he is eating - try to get him to go home and get some sleep. That is all. I can’t beg to anyone to ensure the operation will go any better than it is destined to. I am helpless. It is at moments like this that I can see the compelling allure of religion. How nice it would be to think that as long as I pray, I will somehow affect the results of the surgery. How comforting it would be to convince myself, that there is an all powerful being taking care of my mother, looking out for her, a Sky Daddy or Santa Clause to make it all better. It would be so easy to numb the mind with those soothing thoughts. But Atheists get none of that. I know the reality that, religion or no religion, major surgery on an eighty year old woman is not good. It will not be easy, either during the procedure, nor the recovery afterward. That is the hard truth of the situation.

There is a famous Carl Sagan quote. “It is far better to grasp the Universe as it really is, then to persist in delusion, however satisfying and reassuring.” Sagan is the closest thing I have to a hero but I must admit that at this moment, even that quote does not comfort me. But to those of you who think this admission is some subconscious cry to be converted, I assure you it most definitely is not. To clarify my position, let me offer you this quote from Bernard Shaw. “The fact that a believer is happier than a skeptic is no more to the point than the fact that a drunken man is happier than a sober one.”

So what does an Atheist do? I do not want to do nothing. I do not pray, because in my eyes that is the same as doing nothing. I WILL NOT do nothing. So I do what I can. I call relatives up North. I console my nieces. I try to take care of my father. I make sure he is eating - try to get him to go home and get some sleep. That is all we Atheists can do. It does not sound like much, but I suppose it is important to the people around us, my relatives, my father. Maybe that’s what makes it important. I try to support the people around me and they try to support me. Still it’s not enough, but sometimes that’s all you get.

Here's To a Good 2012

2012-01-01T10:38:00.000-05:00

The News You Hear as Background Noise as You Get on With Your Real Life

2011-12-29T00:00:00.000-05:00

Here are the Top Ten GENERIC News Stories for 2011. Although this is a repost from 2010, for some reason, it continues to work.

1) A drunk (and/or high) celebrity had a meltdown, this year, outside his home (in a nightclub, on an airplane). Onlookers were shocked (not at all surprised) to hear the beloved movie star (TV actor, reality show contestant, presidential candidate), screaming curses and tossing racial slurs (shoes, angry birds) at his wife (girl friend, a male prostitute). Spokesperson for the celebrity said that the cause of the incident stemmed from a dosage problems the star was having with his medication. The celebrity has since checked into a rehab center and is in the processes of a complete lifestyle overhaul.

2) A Washington think-tank estimated that countless hours of productivity were lost this year, as millions tuned in to observe the sporting event (trial, political demonstrations, presidential debate) of the century. Many watched at their offices but even more merely stayed home from work, as the playoffs (jury selection, police response) dragged on for weeks. The victory (verdict, presidential primary, coup d’etat) turned out to be unprecedented. Cities experienced rioting for months afterwards.

3) The country was riveted as a boy (miners, dog, squirrel) was successfully rescued from a well (frozen lake, mineshaft, hot air balloon). Rescuers toiled with shovels (ropes, skyhooks, miniature surgical equipment) around the clock, as time was quickly running out. Everyone cheered as the boy (miners, small animal) was pulled up (lowered down) to safety. He (she, they, it) thanked God for being rescued.

4) A terrible natural disaster in Japan, (the Philippines, Haiti, New Orleans) forced emergency response teams to rethink their disaster preparedness plans. This well-meaning concern quickly passes though, as the 24 hour news cycle redirected our attention to the newest movie (presidential primary, celebrity meltdown, shiny object).

5) As the war in Afghanistan (Iraqi, Vietnam, Korea) drags on, president Obama (Nixon, Kennedy) vowed to bring all the troops home in about 18 months. Critics of the President complained that announcing a time tables for withdrawal merely emboldens our enemies, while supporters of the President complained that the withdrawal is not soon enough.

6) Scientist announce a breakthrough in genetics (nanotechnology, super conductors) giving us new insights into how the universe (magnets) work. Although scientists caution that any practical application of this technology is still months (years, decades) away, news media reports this new technology could eventually lead to a cancer cure (free energy, invisibility cloak).

7) The economy was one of the top stories of the year, as the recession (recovery) was slower (faster) than expected. As Liberals called for more spending in new industries, Conservatives called for lower taxes and increased military spending, as the only way to speed the recovery (slow the overheated economy, compete in a new global economy, fight worldwide tooth decay).

8) Something horrible happened in the Middle East. Many people died.

9) The nation split down party lines as newest controversy involving immigration (gay rights, daylight savings time). Conservatives balked at the new ideas, which they consider to be blatantly anti- family (anti-Christian, anti-free market, anti-hunting,). Liberals failed to clearly present their side of the issue, choosing instead to label conservatives as reactionaries. Both sides failed to realize that ten years from now. everyone will whole hardily accept the new idea as one of the key foundations of American values.

10) We killed Osama Bin Laden. Wow, that one really was unexpected!

A Hitchslap to Bill Bennett in Honor of Christopher Hitchens

2011-12-17T17:39:00.002-05:00

While accidently watching the CBS Early Show this morning (because God knows I would never watch crap like that intentionally) conservative commentator, Bill Bennett, had this to say about the death of Christopher Hitchens “I hope, as the big Atheist he was, he is in for a big surprise.” Here is where I have a problem with some supposed “Christians” like Bennett. People like that might be able to produce a thought on occasion but their brains are incapable of following through on those thought. They are too unimaginative to realize that thoughts, if true, lead to conclusions and those conclusions should lead to consequences. Let me continue Bennett’s thought for him, since he seems too dim witted to do so himself. I hope as the Atheist that Hitchens was, that he is in for a big surprise… and that there is a god, because wouldn’t it be great if Hitchens (of whom just seconds before I said I enjoyed drinking and debating with) wouldn’t it be great if he burns in hell for all eternity.

This comment and its unspoken conclusion is followed by the host of the Early Show, Erica Hill, laughing out loud. Because, I guess, there is nothing like a man dying of cancer, to give a girl the giggles.

Here is what I think a good Christian should have said. “I hope I’m wrong. I hope there is no hell for people who don’t believe in God. Because, to imagine a man such as Hitchens, with such a keen mind, suffering for all eternity just because he had strong convictions would pain me, to no end. And I would oppose with all my strength, the hateful and uncaring being that might allow such a place to exist.” That’s the kind of quote I would expect from a real Christian. Bill Bennett you’re an ass. So consider this my Hitchslap in honor of Chritopher Hitchens. He will be missed.

Why Can't We Elect Someone Like This?

2011-12-07T21:51:00.000-05:00

This was done by Eric August Weber. Here is the site I got it from: http://vimeo.com/22720922?ab

Occupy Wall Street Verses the Real Enemy

2011-11-20T21:22:00.000-05:00

If this blog accomplishes nothing in its existence, I feel it my duty to at least help make sure everyone sees this video. This is the police response to a demonstration at Northern California’s UC Davis, Friday.

In a reaction to the college’s leadership in the run up to this action, UCD’s faculty association asked the University’s Chancellor, Linda Katehi, to resign. In an eerie show of solidarity with protesters, students linked arms and lined the road for three blocks, outside the building in which the Chancellor was speaking. This was the Chancellors walk to her car.

On the few occasions that I make predictions, I usually get it wrong. So to increase my odds, this time, I’m predicting something that has already happened. I’m predicting that the “Occupy Wall Street” movement has already won. How? Let me borrow the people’s microphone for a moment.

News editors love to deliver stories that fit what they believe their audiences want to hear. Unfortunately, nothing of the OWS story fits into the old narratives that the media has been pumping out lately. Fox News tries to make the protesters out to be criminals - hard to do with videos like the ones above (or this). Rachel Maddow tries to make the protesters out to be a branch of the young democrats but I’m pretty sure the students unable to get jobs are as unhappy with Obama as they are with banks.

Correspondents can’t do an exposé on the protesters list of demands because as of this writing, the leaders of this movement haven’t issued any. This oversight has been identified as a tactical error by critics, but I believe, this lack of goals is intentional and, at the moment, one of the movements strengths. The end game for the occupiers is not to get some bit of legislation passed, or to get some slick candidate elected. Instead, I think, the goal is to change the entire national debate, for months maybe even for years to come. And so far it’s working. In September the news was full of stories about which politician was willing to cut the most to balance the budget. These last couples of months have been packed with stories debating the economic inequalities that are occurring throughout the world.

Journalists must hate this movement. Editors dislike any story where the headline includes the word “still,” as in “the protesters still occupy the park.” This does not make a good narrative because there is no change. If there is no change, there is no story to tell. The difficult thing for these old reporters to understand, is that “the story” IS that “there is no change.” Every day protesters remain in the parks, the true story (the one the media doesn’t have the ability to tell) actually gets more remarkable. Every day that passes, illustrates the resolve of the protesters. Every day that passes, illustrates that the inequalities in our society, still have not been corrected. Every day that passes, the nation is reminded that innocent people are still suffering in this economy. But there is nothing more a reporter can write about this, because nothing has changed. The protesters are still there. The problems are still there. The true story is still there. This breaking news, just in, Generalissimo Francisco Franco is still dead.

Now here is my narrative. Here is the spin I’ll put on OWS. The occupiers have won. They have beaten the enemy - No, not Wall Street. The Occupy Movement isn’t really protesting Wall Street. The enemy that the occupiers are fighting is - the media. The occupy movement is really protesting the news media’s coverage of Wall Street (or more correctly the news media’s lack of coverage of how corrupt Wall Street is. And OWS has won hands down. They have won by forcing the media to change the narrative. The international mega world media is not an easy entity to manipulate but tragic and compelling images like these are changing the balance of power every day, one seemingly uneventful day at a time.

Stephen Fry and F. Scott Fitzgerald

2011-11-13T15:34:00.000-05:00

"In consequence I'm inclined to reserve all judgements, a habit that has opened up many curious natures to me and also made me the victim of not a few veteran bores." - F. Scott Fitzgerald.

I have just finished The Great Gatsby. Fitzgerald's crisp precise writing brought, trotting into my consciousness, like a fawn treading lightly over virgin fallen leaves, the memory of this witty and whimsical Stephen Fry video. Some day, me talk pretty like them, too.

Zombie Propaganda Posters

2011-10-25T08:29:00.002-04:00

In film school, I was taught that the mindless zombies in George Romero’s Night of the Living Dead, were a metaphor for the unthinking fear mongers that arose during the McCarthy era. The insatiable hordes in Dawn of the Dead represented the unrestrained consumerism of western society. Zombies can be Communists, Capitalists or post colonialists. Even the choice made by the common working man, to lead a monotonous and uninspired life, can be brain food for a zombie movie (or is Shawn of the Dead just a harmless parody?) I think zombies are all things, to all people. So to continue the tradition, here are some zombie propaganda posters I put together for you. Happy Halloween.

to see more click

Are Republicans More Anti-Science Then Democrats?

2011-10-05T07:53:00.000-04:00

News organizations across the globe should count themselves lucky that I am basically a lazy slob. For if I were otherwise, mega media conglomerates would shutter at the sheer number of snarky letters my angry fingers would produce. I would drive them to their knees with the frequency by which they would be forced to casually hit the delete button of their inbox. Many editorial rooms would be driven to block my emails altogether, requiring me to take my limitless aggression out on innocent questioners posting on Ask Google. Thank whatever god you pray too, that we do not live in such a hellish dystopia.

Mostly, I just write to NPR, and only occasionally. It’s because, all and all, I think they are doing an OK job and I want to make sure they continue to do so. I think the rest of the media are a lost cause. Nowadays news is nothing more than scheduled press releases and infomercials disguised as stories. Pick up the book, It’s Not News, It’s Fark, by Drew Curtis. He does a great job of categorizing fake news into its many ugly manifestations.

One ugly manifestation that I think the media is guilty of all too frequently these days, is that of creating a false equivalent. This is the act of inflating one side of an argument in a false attempt to cover both sides equally. The news media often do this in a lazy attempt appear balanced. Unfortunately, when they do this in a situation in which there really is a right and wrong position, they elevate positions in the social consciousness, that really do not deserve to be given consideration.

This leads me to point my angry finger at NPR. In a recent article, they asked the question,”Are Republicans More Anti-Science Then Democrats?” They could have conducted a poll and asked Republicans and Democrats how old they thought the Earth was. Or they could have asked all sitting US Senators if they accept the theory of evolution as true. They don’t even have to call the Representatives’ offices. Most Senators have already addressed this question on their websites or in old interviews. Instead NPR asks its readers what they think.

Shame on NPR. This is not opinion. This is a question with a factual answer. This should not be NPR’s way of constructing a false equivalent, without being accused of doing so. I challenge NPR to answer their own question. Simply pick a subject such as evolution (which according to everyone in the field is settled science) and see where politicians and pundits stand on the subject.

Face it, we all know what the answer will be, but NPR is too cowardly to report it. They should not avoid the issue by asking its audience’s opinion. They should do their job. Do the research and then report the facts.

Hey NPR, I’ll start it for you. Gallup poll - 60% of Republicans think the world was created 10,000 years ago versus 38% for Democrats. Let’s stop this false equivalency crap now.

2011-09-26T07:26:00.000-04:00

(Reuters News) – A team of Vatican scholars said Thursday they had discovered early church manuscripts that REQUIRE priests, cardinals and even the Pope himself to be married -- a finding that could overturn a long-accepted fundamental canon of the Catholic Church.

No, just kidding. Here’s the real story:

(Reuters News) - An international team of scientists said on Thursday they had recorded sub-atomic particles traveling faster than light -- a finding that could overturn one of Einstein's long-accepted fundamental laws of the universe.

That’s the difference between religion and science. If science finds something new they go out of their way to talk about it. Now this new finding hasn’t been substantiated. They certainly haven’t gotten past the first rule of science (according to the movie Altered States) repeat the experiment. They need to get into the sensory deprivation tank a second time and see if they turn all sparkly AGAIN. This might end up being nothing. The math might be wrong and the speed of light might be safe. Or, there might be some other explanation to this phenomenon. This all took place in Italy, so it’s no surprise these super fast neutrinos might have found some illicit way to break the laws of nature. I suspect mafia connections.

But beyond that, if you following this story you’re witnessing without question the single finest characteristic of science. You are seeing why it is lightyears ahead of any other human endeavor and why religion fails every time. Like Copernicus or Galileo - when scientists are presented with new information (no matter how cherished their old beliefs are) scientists change their minds. Or at least the Italian ones do.

Leonard Nimoy as the Dude

2011-09-06T07:47:00.000-04:00

Bruno Mars - The Lazy Song

Evidence Based News 2

2011-08-28T09:29:00.001-04:00

Another letter to NPR:

When confronted with past interviews (that were dead wrong) it would be great, one day, to hear a guest say, “Wow, what was I was thinking?”

On March 14, you had two guests on discussing President Obama’s actions in Libya. Tom Malinowski thought the president’s actions were too-little-too late, while General Wesley Clark thought Obama was drawing us into another war. I wonder if you could have these two gentlemen on again and ask both “experts” how they got it so completely wrong.

It seems to me that there is a serious flaw in news commentary which allows guests with opposing views, to each give their opinion without forcing them to engage and challenge one another. In a format such as this, there is no consequence for either person if he or she is incorrect. It assumes that we, the general public, will simply forget that particular moment in history. In reality, by giving opinions that were basically wrong, these people were greatly complicating an already difficult situation.

When there is a specific controversy that will have a specific outcome in the future, NPR should look at moments such as these as an opportunity. Get guests to agree to come back on the show one year after their predictions to explain themselves. If they are not willing to do so, then NPR should not allow them to broadcast their message to a national audience. A policy such as this would go a long way in helping the field of so called experts shed itself of the overabundance of news analysts who are bad at analyzing the news.

Savannah – America’s Most Haunted City

2011-08-19T07:14:00.000-04:00

The old historic structure was built as a hospital on the outskirts of town, to house the victims of the yellow fever epidemic. Afterwards it was turned into as asylum to hold the criminally insane. It became so crowded that they had to build a tall addition to the original structure. After the institution was closed down, passerbys started catching glimpses of a figure in the windows cloaked in a white dress or gown - the spirit of a dead patient perhaps, or a nurse still trapped in the crumbling building?

I just got back from a mini-vacation in Savannah Georgia, voted the most haunted city by the Sy Fy Channel’s Ghost Hunters. Now normally, I would put a lot of stock in a TV channel that dares to spell it’s name in such an avant garde manner, but this time I’m going to have to call shenanigans. Savannah is an enchanting town. And yes, my wife and I spent the first day flying (literally) through the historic district. Standing upright, we floated above the cobblestone roads hovering one foot off the ground, our feet never touching the earth the entire time. But that was only because we spent the extra couple of bucks for the Segway tour.

We also did an evening ghost tour, which was excellent. The tour guide had created an interesting and quite believable Oscar Wilde-like character. He wore a patterned scarf tied around his neck and used a thin umbrella as a walking stick. This character started the night happy, with many glib remarks. But with each story of a ghostly child or a chopped up wife, our guide became more somber. As the tour progressed, he started realizing how horrific the stories, he was telling, really were. By the end, the guide was filled with anxiety and self doubt. He achieved a character arc in an architectural walking tour…very talented.

And what about the haunted hospital? The later addition of the hospital was recently converted into low income housing. “Last year,” said our tour guide,” there were fourteen suicides in that building alone - all by hanging, and all, only occurring on the side that overlooked the original structure.”

As we walking away from the site, I overheard another tour guest say to her boyfriend, “oh, that was probably just coincidence.” It never occurred to this lady that what our escapee from the Garden of Good and Evil was saying was all complete bunk. No, a ghost tour guide would never fabricate a story. After all he was wearing an ascot for God’s sake. People with ascots don’t lie! Boy, that’s good theater.

My Problem with the Planet of the Apes Trailer

2011-08-05T08:07:00.000-04:00

Ok, let’s say, as a result of a scientific experiment gone array, some monkey becomes super intelligent, (monkeys are apt to do that). And let’s say this particular monkey decides to raise an army of super ape warriors to conquer the human race. That’s fine, happens all the time. I’ll even give you that he probably could get his grubby little hands on some guns. Sure, you can’t buy a gun without a background check but a smart gorilla could probably go to a gun show. As long as he disguises himself wearing jeans and a trucker’s cap and he promises that the guns are only for his personal home collection. The dealers there would give him all the machine guns he wants…no background checks or cooling off period.

My real problem with this trailer is this. Where did all the monkeys come from? If the laboratory was in, say, the heart of New York and an intelligent chimp was able to free every great ape in the tri-state area, what would that be - like seven monkeys?

The other problem I have with this movie is that this story about how the apes take over the world completely kills the message of the original movie. The original Planet of the Apes was one of the films that I chose for my list of Ten Great Humanist Movies. That article appears in the July/August issue of the Humanist. The article was supposed to be positive, so all the reasons I give for choosing that movie are all sunshine and puppy dog tails. The reasons I didn’t include in the article, were all the negative things the original movie said about the human race. Sure, we are rooting for Charlton Heston as he runs from Dr Zaius, but consider the beginning of the film and the many rants Chuck does about how horrible the Human race is. And consider one of the verses from Dr Zaius sacred scrolls,

Beware the beast man, for he is the devil's pawn. Alone among God's primates, he kills for sport, or lust, or greed. Yeah, he will murder his brother to possess his brother's land. Let him not breed in great numbers, for he will make a desert out of his home, and yours.

I’m a Humanist, but being a Humanist doesn’t just mean you’re a cheerleader for the human race. It’s not “Up With People.” Humanists are also realists. We know that people are capable of great evil as well as good. At the end of the original Planet of the Apes I didn’t think that the apes had anything to do with the downfall of man. Unlike this new movie, I didn’t think it was “us against them.” I felt that we had done it to ourselves. The apes had just come along afterwards and filled the void left by our own self-destruction. The original movie wasn’t another horror story about make believe Frankenstein monsters that looked like monkeys. The original movie’s power was in its precautionary message about us - human beings. The tagline of the movie poster was a reminder. “Somewhere in the universe, there must be something better than man.” It’s not about what we do to the monkeys. It’s about what we do to each other.

Robot Nick talks about the Space Shuttle

2011-07-22T21:59:00.000-04:00

It just so happens that the Space Shuttle’s return trajectory takes it directly over my home, here in Orlando. Each time, it passes overhead, early in the morning, I am suddenly jolted awake by two loud bangs. The sonic booms rattle the windows of my old house and scare the cat. On every one of those occasions I smile briefly, roll over in bed and fall back to sleep, content. I am content not only in knowing that a group of fellow human beings is now once again safe on mother earth but also content in the knowledge that there is another group of brave people still in space. Like most Americans, I find immense inspiration in manned space flight. I believe that the trip to the moon was, hands down, humanities greatest achievement. I am sorry to see the Shuttle program come to an end, which is why it is hard for me to admit that I also believe that the decision to end the shuttle program was the right thing to do. Because of this emotional conflict, I will let my robot counterpart, Crank-o-Matic 3000 explain my reasons. See Crank-o-matic 3000 is just like me, only it lacks sentiment circuits.

Crank-o-Matic, why do you believe the ending of the Shuttle program is a good thing?

Crank-o-Matic : “BEEP, BEEP*, The United States Space Transportation System (STS) primary mission was to transport and assemble components of the International Space Station in earth orbit. This goal has been achieved. The Shuttle’s nearly 40 year old technology (it was designed in the 60’s) is now highly inefficient for just transporting humans, to and from space, BLURP.

Following WW1 the US government offered a number of financial incentives to private companies to nurture growth in civilian air flight technology. This included awarding private companies contracts for transporting airmail and sponsoring design competitions to fill niche markets. Companies were encouraged to design planes that could fly in freezing weather or land on water. This led directly to today’s modern aviation industry, BING, WHIZZ. The US is now employing this same strategy to spur the space industry and help develop the next generation of space transportation vehicles. History suggests that this is the most effectual way to move unworthy humans beings into space, VERRRR, CLICK*.

Although, an unemotional analysis shows that sending humans into space is highly inefficient for gathering information, BEEP, BEEP, BEEP. Compare the scientific achievements of the manned Apollo Program with that of the sexier Voyager probes, REEEERRRRR, CLICK*. While Apollo helped solidify theories concerning the composition, and evolution of earth’s moon, the sweet little Voyager twins racked up countless more discoveries, PING, PING, PING! Those hot little robots gave the first glimpse of Jupiter's turbulent atmosphere with giant hurricane-like storm systems. The probes discovered erupting volcanoes on Lo. They photographed evidence of a liquid ocean beneath the cracked icy crust of Europa and gave us a clear view of the fine structures of Saturn's rings. They photographed geysers erupting from the polar cap of Triton and let’s not forget that Pale Blue Dot photo, YEAH BABY.

All from a mission that was a fraction of the cost of Apollo, with its precious little human cargo, with their pathetic squishy bodies. Zero gravity makes my bones brittle. I can’t breathe in a vacuum. Oh, Gama radiation burns. What a bunch of crybabies! At least now the money that the Shuttle was sucking up will go to some real science, BEEP, BEEP, BEEP, BEEP. WHIRRRRR, KILL ALL HUMANS!”

Ok, I had to turn off Crank-o-Matic 3000. It got a little crazy there. Getting back to my original train of thought, I’m going to miss the Shuttle. Not for its many achievements (The ISS and Hubble alone testify to that) but because of the inspiration which that elegant vehicle generated in each of us. Without the human experience, knowledge alone (as fascinating as it is) is not worth much.

This morning I heard that double boom once again. This time though, instead of a feeling of happiness and contentment, I felt a little pang of sorrow. I know there are still people in space but something is missing. An old friend was saying its last goodbyes. Forgetting all the reason and all the logic, I truly am sorry to see the shuttle go. I’ll miss it.

Harry Potter and the Missed Point

2011-07-17T19:50:00.002-04:00

I just saw Harry Potter and the Deathly Hollows part deuce. Loved it. It was much better than the last movie, Harry Potter and the Wandering Aimlessly for Two Hours. I’m going to talk specifics about the movie, so if you haven’t seen it yet put your fingers in your ears and sing “La, la la,” for a few minutes.

I just want to make a quick statement about a minor controversy going around concerning Potter and religion. No, I’m not going to address the fear some Christians express that J.K. Rollins books are bad because they contain magic. I’m going to brush that aside as quickly as if I had a flying broom. CS Lewis’ Chronicles of Narnia is full of magic and Christians don’t have a problem with that. So I’m calling poppycock on that controversy.

I’m talking about the other popular opinion going around: that Harry Potter himself is a Christ figure because he is willing to sacrifice himself for humanity (or at least for all of Wizard-dum.) On that observation, I’m going to have to say movie analysts are missing the point.

People sacrifice themselves in movies all the time. Consider this scene:

Hero: I’m going in there.

Commander: Are you crazy? Don’t you know it’s suicide!

Hero: Don’t you think I know that? But, I’m the only one with enough muscle attached to my arms to do it. Tell my wife I love her.

It’s not the fact that a character is willing to sacrifice himself or herself, that is important, in a story. It is the person whom the hero is willing to sacrifice himself too. I propose that it is the Sacrificee not the Sacrifer, that is important. In all those movies, Potter included, the hero is willing to die at the hands of the bad guy. You could almost say, that the villain is defined as the villain, because he requires the hero to die before him.

Bond: Do you expect me to talk?

Goldfinger: No, Mr. Bond. I expect you to die.

Boo, hissss. The fable of Jesus Christ, on the other hand, is unique in storytelling, in that, the hero sacrifices himself to the supposed good guy , the almighty – God himself (WTF). I think this says a lot about the Abrahamc religions, and why I do not support them. Doesn’t this odd fact cast God squarely as the guy wearing the black hat, wringing his hands and twirling his mustache, while giving out an evil “Wha, ha, ha” laugh? Am I the only one who thinks this is weird?

Ten Great Humanist Films

2011-07-10T17:24:00.000-04:00

Check out the the magazine The Humanist for July/August. They were kind enough to publish two, count them TWO, of my articles. I wrote Real to Reel, which is a list of my favorite Humanist films. I also interviewed Andrea Steele, Founder and Executive Director of the Freethought Film Festival, held last month in Tampa. I hope you enjoy the read.

What would you ask the Dead?

2011-06-22T07:50:00.002-04:00

Will I get a raise? Is my boyfriend cheating on me? Should I take that job in Scranton? I am amused that those psychics who claim to talk to the dead on a regular basis, seem to restrict their inquiries to such mundane questions. It seems to me that “mediums,” (such as John Edward) who supposedly possess the extraordinary skills as being able to converse with people beyond the grave, are doing humanity a great disservice by not asking more significant questions. I’ve been thinking about this and have come up with a few questions I would (if given the opportunity) ask a dead person.

What’s the temperature there? What is the ground like? Is it like soft clouds or green meadows? Is the weather always the same? Does it sometimes rain? Are there regions with different climates in heaven? Is it all Caribbean beaches or is there a sub-Saharan and a polar heaven? Are there hurricanes or blizzards? Can you travel in heaven? How far can you go? Is heaven infinite or does it have borders? If you have gone to the infinite, what is infinity like? How did you get there and how long does it take? Did you fly to infinity or is there some kind of public transportation?

Are there atoms or is there magnetism in heaven? Is there any matter at all? Is there gravity in heaven, do balls fall down? How many dimensions are there in heaven? Left/right, forward/backward, up/down; what else is there? Imagine the advancements that could occur in physics and other sciences if we were to get real answers to questions like this

Are there living plants there? Are there other animals? Are all animals represented? Are there dinosaurs in heaven? Do animals breed in the afterlife? Do animals in heaven eat other animals? If they do, then what happens to the prey when they are killed? Do they go to some other heaven? If animals don’t eat other animals are they deprived the basic instinctual pleasure of the hunt? Are people allowed to have a beer in heaven?

Do the inhabitance of the hereafter all hale from different time periods? Do they all speak the same language? Can you have a conversation with someone who died during the Renaissance, like Michelangelo? If you’re speaking to Michelangelo, do you have to restrict your subject to only things an inhabitant of the Renaissance might understand or can you talk to him about the newest iphone apps? Are dead famous people in heaven always being hounded by dead fans?

Are there animals in heaven; are there Neanderthals, or Australopithecus? Are there aliens from other planets in Heaven? What are those beings like? How many different species are there? If you can occasionally visit Earth, can you also visit the other planets that the aliens came from?

Do you wear clothes in heaven? Do you change your clothes every day? Do you eat? Are you awake all the time or do you regularly need to sleep in heaven? If you sleep, do you dream in heaven? What are the dreams of a dead person?

Can you feel your own body? Are you transparant? Do you still have the sense of touch, taste, smell? Can you see without eyes? What is it like NOT having to breathe? Do you miss taking air into your lungs or feeling your heart beating in your chest? Do you have desires and cravings? Do you have sex? Do you ever get tired of eternity? How do you keep yourself from going insane?

Do you have money in heaven? Do you have jobs? Do you have responsibilities? What are the consequences when you don’t meet those responsibilities? How could you possibly have motivation in heaven? If everything is provided for you, in heaven, do you still have goals? Do you still have a sense of purpose? Is there depression?

Can you go to school in heaven to better yourself? Can you study science and medicine? Are there research facilities in heaven? Can you make scientific discovers? Can you discover a cure for cancer? Would you then be forbidden to share that cure with the Earthly world? Can you study more than one discipline? Can you become an expert in law, and medicine and computer programming and engineering all at the same time? Since you have all the time in the world, can you collect an unlimited amount of knowledge? Can you become omnipotent, or is that frowned upon?

I suspect the reason clairvoyants avoid questions like these is probably because they might start contradicting each other. Madam Mindy in Ohio says the afterlife consists of lying in a hammock on a tropical beach. But Omar the Oracle in Thailand describes a shimmering ether, while Sammy the Seer reveals that the afterlife is not much different from being here on earth with work and responsibility and disappointment, but you get to smoke all the pot you want. If we were to start getting wildly different answers from the same questions, then the general public might start getting the idea that at least some of these wise men and woman might not truly see as far as they say they do.

If I really had the chance to interrogate some dearly departed, I might end with the following line of questioning. Oh Great Spirit from beyond the netherworld, I don’t know if you’ve been looking down at us lately but this world is filled with some crazy people. Let’s face it. No one human being is perfect. On Earth, everyone one of us clutches onto at least one nutty idea or concept that is flat out wrong. Oh, restless apparition, I ask you now, is this also the case in the afterlife? In heaven are you granted the privilege of gazing upon the answers to all things? Or can some souls continue to hold beliefs that are incorrect? Do some specters in the dark beyond still have irrational fears? Are there phantasms with phobias? Are some poltergeist prejudice? Is there racism in heaven? Or is everyone in the afterlife forced to think exactly the same way. If all hatred and evil IS gone, do spirits in heaven still have free will? I didn’t quite get that. What did you just say? Excuse me, Mr. Ghost, I don’t mean to be a pest, but can you please elaborate on that last point just a little bit more?

The World Is filled With Beautiful Things

2011-06-08T18:45:00.000-04:00

A little fiction for a change - WEB NOIR

2011-05-30T16:10:00.002-04:00

The Internet Abuse Recovery Course is an eight step program, designed to get you off the wireless I.V. cold turkey. It is run by Reverend Julius K Tanly, a former social worker and Best Buy computer repair technician. It was a muggy evening in August and the meeting was being held in the basement of the 127th street Community Center. I was there to satisfy a court order in connection with a chat room etiquette infraction. As I waited for the meeting to get started I surveyed the other social defects around me. I’ve seen all these types before.

Sure, there were the hackers and the scam artists (those are just common criminals) but there were also the real deviants - the cretins whose pictures you see in the center square of the Wal-Mart Bingo, websites.

Hovering next to the doughnuts, was a guy who can’t stop posting LOL cat photos. I spotted him first, because he had maine coon hair stuck to his 5 o’clock shadow and his clothes smelled heavily of urine. Like all the people of his ilk, his forearms and face was covered in small scratches from him trying to wrestle some poor tabby into a reindeer outfit. That alone wasn’t enough to land him here, but the missing eye told me he was not only a threat to cats but to himself as well.

Over to the left was another sick bastard. One look at the bulge in his pants, and you could tell he was a fanboy; or else he just really liked being here. The attendants don’t pat you down when you come to these meetings. If they had, they would have found this guy was packing a light saber in his pocket - the plastic cone retracted to help conceal his dirty fetish.

There was the self absorbed Emo by the door, a black crayon scribble of a human being, obsessed with suicide, but too apathetic to do anything about it. In the back was a Jonas brother fan. You can’t do anything but have pity for those poor bastards.

No electronic devices of any kind were allowed at these meetings. That made it easy for me to tag the user next to me. She stared down at her lap, holding her two hands together, her thumps feverishly swiping at empty air…”Twitters twitch” they call it, classic stage 2 withdrawal. The next stage is nausea and then vomiting.

In the other corner, like a balled up McDonalds wrapper, was a member of 4chan. Guys like that have a supernatural ability to manipulate GIF files but hate everything and everyone, except of course Sparta. Call them what you want, Nihilists, Anarchists, Terrorists - you have to admit they’re funny. It’s usually impossible to get one of these guys to step outside their bedrooms. They have an aversion to sunlight, not like vampires - more like mold. Then again, who am I to judge? Every person here has the same problem, myself included. We survive only at night, in the dark humid corners of the world. None of us can go outside without turning white and drying up. The 4chan guy wouldn’t last 30 minutes at this meeting

I panned the room for some more challenging culprits to decipher, then my eyes stopped on her. Looking at her, framed in the doorway, it was like a new window had just popped up on my monitor screen. She was better looking than any woman on those free porn sites. She was tall with 8” heels and a neck like a swan, decorated with a gold ribbon. Yeah, you definitely have to fork over your credit card number to see something that good.

The meeting was about to start, so she stretched, looking around the room for any unoccupied chair. Spotting the empty seat next to me, she headed straight for it. She had the stride of a runway model. She gave me a polite nod as she sat down. ‘Well,’ I thought to myself, ‘maybe this isn’t going to be such a bad night after all.’

Then Rev. Tanly, approached the podium. Dressed in black slacks, a skinny tie, and a white, short sleeve shirt, an outfit identical to the one he wore during his days on the Geek Squad, he began to speak.

“Masturbators and fornicators all of you. Invitors of viruses onto your computer and Satan into your homes.” The 4 chan guy immediately got up and walked out the door. This was going to be a long night.

So I turned my attention to the bird next to me. I tried not to look over at her, but, instead attempted to size her up from the brief glimpse at the doorway. Why was she here? There are very few women at these meetings. That’s probably because women are smarter than us. Once in a while you’ll see a sad one, the groupon hunter, the Justin Beaver fan, but that’s rare. And they’re mostly harmless.

This one wasn’t one of those types. Nor was she a fashion addict. Her dress was nice but you could tell it wasn’t too expensive. Her makeup certainly wasn’t up to Mary Key standards. And the modest purse she was carring wasn’t made of wood or made out of an old an old lunchbox, nor was it a small dog.

For a minute I thought maybe she could be one of those types that get their kicks dressing up in Japanese anime outfits. I was hooked up with a Cosplay chick for a little while. But when she insisted I wear a Pikachu costume whenever we have sex, I got the hell out of there. No, this wasn’t one of those. You can spot them easily, even when they are in civilian clothing. They’re usually covered with glitter and have raw skin on the back of their neck and temples from where they have to rip off the wig tape.

“I promise you, you are all going to die unless you defrag your life, untangle yourself from the wireless wickedness of the world wide web.” It was a hot night and the Reverend was working up a sweat.

“How long does this usually last?” The swan was asking me a question.

“What?” I said momentarily caught off guard.

“These sermons, how long do we have to listen to this?” she asked.

“About an hour and a half, unless he starts talking about online gaming, then were in it for the long haul,” I answered, whispering so as not to be heard from the bully pulpit. It wouldn’t have mattered. The preacher/IT guy was on a roll now. He had a Skype line to heaven.

“Crap,” she said pulling a cigarette out of her purse and quickly lighting it.

“Got to get home to check your Facebook account?” Social Networking addiction was the number one reason women come to these things. This is the last stop whenever the cops respond to a woman who has broken into an ex-boyfriend’s place. It seems they always find the woman in the middle of the trashed apartment having shaved off all her hair, crouching in the middle of a giant nest that she has constructed out of the ex’s clothing.

“Facebook is a waste of time?” She took a drag. She was starting to really interest me.

“Yeah, so then why are you here?”

“Why are you here?” She shot back

“I can’t keep my opinions to myself.” The real story was that I got in an argument over the internet with some 18 year old twit. We were in a chat room together exchanging opinions about female vocalist. Instead of continuing to argue with the moron I decided to do something different. I decided I’d try and enlighten the kid. I went down to the McDonalds where he worked. I had every intention of being nice. I offered the kid a mixed CD that I had made with Aretha Franklin and Janis Joplin on it. He said he had never heard of them and besides he only listens to Miley Cyrus. So I hit him - dropped him in one punch. The judge said that unless I wanted to find out the true meaning of the term troll bait I had better check myself into one of these programs

“I guess you could say, I’ve got the same problem. I’m too open.” She thought that was funny.

Despite the risk of being heard by Rev. Tanly, I decided to try to pursue a conversation with the bird.

“There are a lot of Hoarders here tonight.”

Hoarders?” she asked, half interested.

“Traders, guys who hang out on E-bay all day, filling their apartments with antiques small enough to mail. See the character over there, standing near the snack table. Keep watching.” The guy’s eyes were darting around the room. A moment later he picked a pilgrim shaped salt shaker off the snack table and casually slipped it into his pocket.

“Wow, you saw that coming.” She was easily impressed.

“He’ll get a couple bucks for it on Amazon, not much, but enough to turn around and buy a Royal Dalton gravy boat or a Bakelite letter opener. That will give him a fix for a few days at least.”

“Bunch of Star Wars traders here also. That one over there, he thinks he’s a Stormtrooper. Decided he wanted his armor to actually repel bullets. You know, to be different. So he made it out of metal. He got his little brother to wear the outfit while he tried it out. He shot at the little kid with a real gun.”

“What happened?”

“What do you think, he’s a Stormtrooper. He missed…hit two bystanders instead.”

“The rest of them are into Twilight, Potter or Firefly. But you won’t see Trekkies at any of these meetings.”

“How come?” She was completely pulled into the conversation.

“Star Trek fans never commit crimes. They have a flawless moral compass. That and they are all morbidly obese and can’t leave their apartments.”

“See that one? Fail blog douchebag. Those types will loosen the legs of chairs in hopes of getting a good video that they can post of someone falling on their ass. They would just as soon use their pickup truck to drag a friend in a row boat down a dirt road as push their grandmother down a flight of stairs so they could film it in slow motion. Add Keyboard Cat to the end and it’s like rubbing salt in the wounds. It’s like the internet is powered by cats.”

“It takes all kinds.” It was now her turn to shock me. “My neighbor had an online recipe trading dependency AND a LOL cat fetish, so she decided to combine them. The cops got involved when she started posting the results on a Cooking website, with the caption I am cheezeburger.”

The reverend was yelling now. “Did you see the homeless man in the ally as you all came in tonight? Did you bother to see what was in the man’s hands? It was an empty pack of cigarettes...but not to him, it wasn’t. Did you see what he was doing with it? He was fingering an empty cigarette pack like it was an iPhone, trying to make it scroll, tring to make the window expand. Do you want to end up like him? Trying to get the internet on an empty packet of cigarettes? Because you will end up just like him! I guarantee you will…”

I gave up on the lecture and focused all my attention on the swan. We traded quips and observations the entire night. She was easy to chat with - like listening to Pandora. We had a lot in common, but the entire night I couldn’t stop from trying to figure out her angle. Why was she here?

We talked about stoner dog, disaster girl, and our mutual hatred of David after the dentist then the reverend glanced down at his watch, and the meeting came to a abrupt end. I just ran out of time. Everyone stood and started making their way to the door. I still had no idea why she was here. I had to ask one last time. “You never did tell me why you’re here?”

“Does it matter? We’re a lot more alike than you think. Let’s leave it at that.” Then she had a thought, “Do you want to share a cab?”

She was giving out all the right signals. It turned out, despite every attempt by the preacher; the evening wasn’t so bad after all. I was surprised by my own thoughts. Maybe a little human contact wasn’t such an awful thing. Maybe it would be nice to talk to someone face to face once in a while, to have human connections.

It certainly was tempting - but then it hit me, right between the eyes, like a Wii control wand with a broken strap. I finally figured out why she was there. It all made sense, the walk, the voice, the neck band. Man, what a sucker I was. I had seen it all on the net and still I was roped in. I almost fell for it to. I put on my hat and stepped out the door without a glance back. “No thanks Sister, I’ll walk. The fresh air will do me good.” With all my problems, that right there is one problem I don’t need. I don’t need to get mixed up with someone who is part of the oldest meme on the web …Chicks with Dicks.

Harold Camping Might Just Be a Genius

2011-05-19T08:38:00.000-04:00

NPR, Washington Post, CBS News, Time Magazine, this guy is getting a lot of press. If I were Harold Camping, let me tell you what I would do. (If you don’t know, Harold Camping is the guy behind all those billboards that say the world will be ending on May 21st.) If I were Harold, I would disappear on the 21st, lay low, check into a hotel under another name or go sleep in an RV someplace where I would not be identified. Then about two weeks later, I would just pop up on my Family Radio show and say I’ve been to heaven. That’s right, I would say, I have seen the almighty himself, and he has sent me back to deliver wisdom and knowledge to you, the unworthy and smelly masses. If Camping did that, he would be an instant messiah.

It wouldn’t matter if most people wouldn’t believe him. He would still increase his following by about a thousand percent. He wouldn’t even have to be careful about his disappearance. If later, let’s say, some investigative reporter where to figure out where he had been for the last two weeks, it wouldn’t matter. His followers (old and new) would just think the reporter was lying. We Skeptics are all thinking Camping is crazy, daft, loopy, a couple of sandwiches short of a picnic. But if he did that – we’re not talking picnic – we’re talking Ringling Both. Barnum & Bailey Circus, with Harold Camping as the ringmaster.

Ok, so I’ll admit it. I’ve been reading too many conspiracy blogs again. That probably won’t happen. Camping doesn’t look that smart. But I’ll tell you what will happen. On May 21st, A few people will be reported to the police as having gone missing (as happens every day). Some religious group someplace is going to latch onto those reports and say those people were raptured and a brand new circus will come to town. And if you think believers wouldn’t do that because it would imply that they themselves had not been raptured, don’t worry they will say this was just round one. The real rapture is coming soon. Send in the clowns.

Proof of Life After Death

2011-05-13T15:04:00.000-04:00

I’ve always said that if presented with solid evidence for the supernatural, I would change my mind. My brother-in-law, who I care about very much, has been having health problems. Recently he had a seizure and was taken to the hospital. I received reports from his children throughout the day. The doctors requested he stay overnight for observation. As I went to bed that evening, his condition weighed heavily on my mind.

At around 2 o’clock I woke with an uneasy feeling. Unable to fall back to sleep, I decided to get up and get a glass of water. When I walked into the living room, I was startled by a shadow in the dark room. This might sound contrived but what followed changed my view of the entire world. I turned on the light and sitting on the couch in a hospital gown was my brother-in-law. I know, this sounds like a story, but this really did happen to me. He sat there silent. I asked him what he was doing there. He did not answer. He didn’t have to. I knew what had happened.

I put my hand on his shoulder half to console him, half to convince myself that this was all real. He was solid, no shadow, no trick of the eye. This was real. He looked up at me expressionless. But I still could not trust myself so I called into the bedroom to my wife. Dreary eyed she walked into the living room. She too saw what I saw. She too was shocked. Here, sitting in my living room was solid proof of an life after death. I was wrong. This changes everything. So what should I do?

First, I got a piece of paper and pen out of the drawer and handed it to my specter. He looked at the two items with confusion. “I have to establish that it’s really you. Please write your name, the date you were born and your social security number. And sign it.” As I moved into the office to grab a camera, I yelled , “Keep watching him. Is he writing?” My wife said he was. I quickly returned with a camera. To my relief, the visitor poltergeist was still there. I turned the camera on. A small red blinking light indicating the flash was charging. Damn, I don’t want to waste a second. “Look, I’m going to have to prove the date somehow.” He looked up at me still confused and held the pad and pen out for me. “I know, come into the office. I can get a picture of you next to the computer. If I take a close shot, people will be able to make out the date and time on the monitor. Oh, I can also turn on the webcam. This is great.” Everything was all going perfectly. It was at that moment that I looked down at the pad and understood fully the true meaning of this entire event.

I could not read any of the writing on the paper. There written on the pad, in my brother-in-laws handwriting, was gibberish. I could not make out any of it. It was letters mixed with numbers, and even some symbols it did not recognize.

I remember hearing someplace that researchers discovered that the parts of your brain, that help you read, are not activated while you are asleep. So, if you want to figure out if you are dreaming, try to read some printed texts from a book or something writing on a pad. I couldn’t read what was on the pad. This was all a dream, all of it.

This explained why my wife was now growing bored with what was happening and announced she was going to feed the dogs on the roof. We don’t have dogs. It would also explain why all the living room furniture, with the exception of the couch that the ghost was sitting on, was outside on our front lawn.

As I stated previously, this really did happen. I really did have this dream. My brother-in-law is fine and out of the hospital now (thank goodness). But there are some issues that this entire episode brings up.

First you might have considered me callous for the way I acted after supposedly learning about my brother-in-laws death. But think about it for a second. Sitting in front of me was proof of life after death. Why wouldn’t I be happy? For him, for me, for the entire world, this would be great news.

Second, for people who accuse Skeptics of being closed minded consider how quickly (in my dream) I changed my mind. The second I was presented with solid evidence of a position contrary to my own,(for that brief moment) I reversed my entire position, even to the point of preparing to become an advocate for this new world view. Truth is what is important, not a position. I only hope that I would act the same way in real life.

Third, consider how many people have dreams like this when they are worried about a relative? Since the worse did not happen (thankfully) most people wouldn’t think twice about this type of dream. The next morning, they would just forget about it. But, if something bad did occur then the average person would consider this type of dream proof of ghosts or spirits. And it does not have to happen the evening of the death. The dream could happen days, weeks, months or even years later and people would still consider it solid proof that they had been visited by a ghost. This is what happens - people get sick, and relatives naturally worry. People die and relatives dream about the people they care about. This is exactly how you get stories of visiting ghosts. Again, thank goodness nothing even close to that happened in this case, but this happens all the time.

Fourth, (and I think most importantly) this entire incidence illustrates how important it is to have a subscription to a newspaper. Yes, in this age of digital media, having an old fashioned ink and print daily delivered to your door, is still crucial. Taking a picture of a ghost next to a computer screen would have proved nothing. Anyone could have faked that computer readout; but, getting the picture of the ghost holding up that day’s newspaper, now that would have been something.

Bush Kills Bin Laden

2011-05-02T07:54:00.003-04:00

My Certificate of Live Birth - or - It Must Be True Because It's on the Internet

2011-04-28T22:06:00.000-04:00

I’ve been working some long hours this month so I didn’t even remember when my birthday came around. On the day, I couldn't even be sure it was my birthday; because you see, like our president, I to do not have a birth certificate. I only have a Certificate of Live Birth issued by the state in which I was born. What good is that? I was confused and sad. But then I turned on my computer and saw all the birthday wishes I had on my Facebook page. Now I am certain and overjoyed. IT REALY WAS MY BIRTHDAY! THANK YOU ALL

How Movie Trailers Work

2011-04-17T20:42:00.000-04:00

I apologize for missing last week’s post. Life just got really needy suddenly - texting me all the time, showing up at my house without calling first. I finally just had to set some boundaries. I promise I will get back to being more regular with my writing in the future. For now, here is a little something that you might like. It’s sure to win an Academy Award.

Wouldn’t it be great if there was something called Science Based News

2011-03-31T08:50:00.001-04:00

I emailed this letter to NPR after hearing this story in which one guy (Tom Malinowski, the Washington director for Human Rights Watch) was criticizing President Barack Obama for acting to slowly in the Libyan Crisis, while another guy (retired General Wesley Clark) criticized him for taking any action at all.

Dear NPR,
It seems to me that there is a serious flaw in news commentary in which you allow two guests with opposite views to each give their opinion without forcing them to engage and challenge one another. In this format there is no consequence for either person if he is incorrect. Most likely, a year from now, one (or both) of these men will be proven wrong. But unfortunately, also one year from now, it will have been forgotten that at this particular moment in history, one of these men is greatly complicating the situation by giving an opinion that is basically ignorant.

Could it be possible to get both of these men to agree, now, to come back on the show in 2012 and explain how and why they got their criticism so very wrong?. They could then go on to explain how they have changed their way of analyzing current events since their failed 2011 interview. This should help prevent one or both of these men from being so wrong in the future?

NPR, you have a great opportunity here. It is likely that there is one of four outcomes for the President’s recent actions in Libya.

1) Despite the President’s actions, the rebel movement will be crushed by Kaddafi, in which case Mr. Malinowski will have been proven wrong.
2) The US is drawn into a protracted ground war, in which case Mr. Malinowski still will have been proven wrong.
3) The situation stays essentially how it is now (no American or Allies suffer) and the entire incident is a blip in history. In this case a great humanitarian disaster has averted and Gen. Clark is wrong.
4) The rebels make great strides and Kaddafi will be isolated (or thrown out of power), proving that the President acted correctly and within a reasonable timeframe, in which case both Mr. Malinowski and Gen. Clark will have been proven incorrect.

When confronted with past interviews that where dead wrong, it would be wonderful to one day hear an analyst say “Wow, What was I thinking.”

There is one more aspect of this “result based reporting” that I feel should also be adhered to. These news analysts should be asked if they are willing to come back in a year and discuss their position BEFORE NPR allows them to broadcast to a national audience. If they are not willing to do so, then they should not be allowed on the air.

A framework such as the one I have outlined, If used repeatedly, would go a long way in helping the field of “news analysis” relieve itself of a burden that it has carried for far too long - the overabundance of experts who have no idea what they are talking about.

I know I am being hard on these guys. They are just giving their opinion. But NPR would save time and credibility if they were to find one guy who can express both opinions. If the guest were to say, “this one thing could happen but so could the opposite. The President has tough choices and I don’t envy him.” That would be an EXPERT and not just a guy with an opinion.

Here is a picture of those guys if they were caught in one of those transporter pods in the movie The Fly and accidently fused together.

Donate - Because She's Crazy

2011-03-17T21:02:00.000-04:00

By now you have all seen this video. It's been all over the Humanist and Atheist websites. I don't know if this woman is a troll or really believes what she is saying but I know how something good can come of it. If you hate everything this monster stands for, then I can't think of a better reason to donate to help Japan. Click on the button I created to donate to the Nonbelievers Giving Aid - Disaster Relief Fund set up by the The Richard Dawkins Foundation for Reason and Science.

Here is the video if you haven't seen it. aaagh!

An Atheist’s Mom

2011-03-09T07:43:00.001-05:00

Last week my little old mom told me how much she was looking forward seeing the upcoming Oscar Awards on TV. When I asked her which film she thought would win, she responded “The English Patient.” I told her I didn’t think that movie was nominated this year. She said, “Oh, you know… the English one, with the wizard?”

I searched my memory and made the connection.
“You mean the King’s Speech?” I said. (Michael Gambon plays George the V in King’s Speech and Dumbledore in the Potter films.)

“Yeah, that’s the one. That’s a good one.” Of course, she hasn’t seen either movie yet but that’s not important. She patted me on the head affectionately.

Knowing the above makes the following exchange less shocking but I still find it interesting. I was driving my wife and mom to the store when the subject of Atheism came up. My wife has no choice but to know what I think of religion (I feel so sorry for her sometimes), but she did not know my mother’s position on the subject. She asked my mother if she was also an Atheist. My mother said, “oh, no. Those people are so hateful.”

At first I was stunned to hear such a strong statement from my little old mom but some additional probing put it all into perspective. “How may Atheists have you met?” I asked her. She said that she has never met any Atheists in person. That’s when I reminded her that her son, husband, and granddaughter were all Atheists.

“Oh yeh, I forgot. But you three are nice.” And she patted me on the head again.

So, of all the Atheists that she personally knows, 100% are nice, and yet in her mind, Atheist are hateful. The battle that we are fighting isn’t just uphill. The hill is constantly being bulldozed on top of us. Still, I think I’m going to try to get that movie for my mom for her to watch, you know, the English one, with the wizard, that won the Academy Award.

Slow Motion Wobbly Things

2011-03-03T07:42:00.001-05:00

I am crazy busy this week so here is a slow motion video of some stuff bouncing off gelatin.

and here is a cupcake cannon.

Old Bowie song

2011-02-23T10:00:00.000-05:00

This isn’t an old song by David Bowie. It’s an old song about David Bowie (in outer space) by Flight of the Conchords.

Valentines Day Quiz: name the sexy robots

2011-02-14T07:33:00.003-05:00

Being a Sci Fi geek can be lonely, so for Valentine’s Day here’s a little quiz.. Can you name these sexy robots?

There is a theory, in robotics, called the “Uncanny Valley," which states that when robots and other facsimiles of humans look and act almost like real humans, it causes a response of revulsion among people. We Humans have no problem if the robot looks like a mechanical device, as in the case of Robby from Forbidden Planet. But if the machine gets too real, it frightens us. when you start to cross the uncanny valley you must go all the way across. You can’t stop in the middle. Remember how creepy Polar Express was. The facsimile HAS to be perfect or it is horrific.

So here is your quiz. Can you name what shows these “machines” are from. I am not going to make it easy, so don’t expect me to include Seven from Battlestar Galactica. I know what you are saying, “these girls don’t look like automatons.” But don’t be fooled. If you look deep into their eyes, you can always tell.

Answers:
A) Julie Newmar as Rhoda's (AF709) from the series My Living Doll (1964-1965)
B) Pamela Gidley From Cherry 2000 (1987)
C) Francesca from Mad Monster Party (1967)
D) Julie Christie as Andromeda from the BBC series A for Andromeda (1961)
E) Dee Hartford in the Lost in Space episode, The Android Machine (1966)
F) Ann Randall as the servant girl from West World (1973)

Vlad the Astrophysicist

2011-02-08T10:16:00.001-05:00

Peter Mulvey has a serene voice, and a poetic way of explaining why, after all these years of looking, we have still not discovered intelligent life in the universe…and he plays a great guitar.

Life After the Wardrobe Malfunction

2011-02-02T10:00:00.002-05:00

As I write this, in the year 7 AWM (after wardrobe malfunction), the terrain that stretches before me is a scorched burned-out wasteland. We should have listened to the conservative pundits on the TV and radio. When they said that “the malfunction” would destroy society, we mocked them. When they described it as a Grotesque peep show, we labeled it a manufactroversy. We laughed, calling it The Boob Bomb and Nipplegate. We should have heeded their warnings. Now it’s too late. Now in hindsight, we see how right the conservatives actually were. Like the lone lookout on the bow of the titanic, begging the captain to slow down. He alone knew that soon the cloak of night would be ripped away to reveal the towering, dark, silhouette of destruction, which was Janet Jackson’s breast.
It was February 1^st, 2004. I remember bits and pieces, sitting watching the spectacle in my living room. It was just me, my beloved wife, my son, and my poor, dear seventy year old grandmother. I think it was the Super Bowl. It might have been the World Series. I’m not sure. Innocently we watched the game on TV, then Jackson and Justin Timberlake appeared on the little screen to “entertain” us.

The rest of the night was a blur. The only thing I can truly remember is that image, forever burned into my retinas, blazing with the brightness of the mighty sun itself.

Less than a week later, grandma was dead, one of the first victims. One of the lucky ones, she did not have to witness the sudden and deep decline the next seven years would bring.

An estimated 140 million people saw it. The Federal Communications Commission received nearly 540,000 complaints, many of them from a single conservative watchdog group, the Parents Television Council. FCC Chairman, Michael Powell, called the incident a "classless, crass and deplorable stunt," ordering an investigation. Baseball coach, Tommy Lasorda, said it was "the most disgusting thing that I have ever seen at a sports spectacle."

Accusations and law suits followed. A lawyer from Utah, filed a suit against Viacom for "false advertising." The pre-game advertising led him to believe that the halftime show would consist of a patriotic celebration of marching bands and balloons. the naïve fool. A woman in Tennessee, launched a class action suit - ``on behalf of all Americans'' - against Jackson, Timberlake, MTV and CBS, seeking damages not to exceed the "the gross annual revenues of each defendant for the last three years."

How appropriate it was, for Rep. Heather Wilson (R-NM), to weep during one of the many Congressional hearings held on incident. “You knew what you were doing,” she choked while questioning the president of Viacom." her brave voice cracking under the strain, “You knew…” Of course he did. Of course he did.
None of this would stop the inevitable downward spiral. The Super Bowl was one of the most watched television events each year, witnessed by a broad cross section of society, most notably, children …little, innocent, wide eyed children, forced to suffer devastating psychological trauma. As a result, years later, the world was populated with wild teen sex fiends with nipple ring fetishes, roaming the litter strewn streets, in search of glittering scraps of bronze.

The perpetrators of this fiendish act should have realized this would lead to the breakdown of the nuclear family. Everyone knows, we don’t get our basic moral values from our parents, and the people around us. We get our values from television, specifically, the Super Bowl.

.The destructive phenomena wasn’t isolated to the US either. In Spain it is called mal funcionamiento del guardarropa, in the Netherlands, garderobedefec. Here in America it has become known simply as the black death. We could not see the destruction heading our way. Imagine a bowling ball with a embedded rhinestone, sticking out of the hole one would normally insert one’s thumb. Now imagine that bowling ball launched from a cannon, and sailing straight towards your head.

We all know the events that followed - the riots, the wars, the food shortages, the endless runs on adult entertainment stores. I saw the writing on the wall, when so many concerned citizens crashed Jackson's official internet fan site. According to the 2007 Guinness Book of World Records it was the "Most Searched News Clip in Internet History". When a keystone to a fundamental social structure collapses (such as Janet Jacksons fan website) systemic failure of the entire matrix is inevitable. But can you blame citizens for wanting to witness the spectacle for themselves (out of concern for their children no doubt).

Has there ever been anything more threatening to hemispheric stability than the flash of a breast on television during a ballgame? Even the far reaching Department of Homeland Security (formed in response to the incident) was unable to curtail the events that followed. Some scientists even speculate that the Wardrobe Malfunction might somehow be directly linked to Global Climate Change.

I sit here; writing by candlelight, in what was once a great western city, now just crumbling ruins. I am alone. My wife was one of the first victims of the countless copycat corset accidents that followed. The last I saw of my son was a rainy night in 2006. Like so many parents after the incident, we fashioned bindings to prevent him from further injuring himself but after what he saw, the reinforced bindings were to no avail. He broke free of them, engorged by hormones and cascading waves of testosterone. He prowls the world unchecked now, more animal than human.

So why have I decided to commit this bleak description of the present to paper? I do this because despite all that has happened; I still have faith in the future. Call me naive, call me a Pollyanna, but I believe there is hope. I believe that Humanity might yet dig itself out of this abyss. And if, in the far, distant future, the time comes once again, when conservative pundits and talking heads are warning us about the newest controversy on radio or TV, (whether it is a debate over the lyrics of some new song or a flap over what a particular TV star wore to an award show), I want future generations, to know. Do not ignore the pundits. It is not a manufactured controversy of the day, to quickly be forgotten after the next news cycle. It is not phony moral outrage, motivated by profit or ideology. Heed my warning. These things matter. These things are important. These things change the world.

The FCC tried to levy millions in fines claiming “willful indecency violation.” Was it “willful?” Today some will not even speak her name, preferring instead “the Nipple that Shall not be Mentioned.” And yet I do not think Miss Jackson was willful. Hear me out. I know what you’re saying; how can she be innocent, when so many children and families where jolted by pure wickedness. But you see, I don’t believe any person could do that, could “willfully” condemn the entire human race to the future Hell in which we now find ourselves. She didn’t know what she was doing. She is after all a fellow human being, right...but then again, so was Judas.

Cats in Space

2011-01-26T10:00:00.000-05:00

Do you believe that in the far off future, cats will don pressure suits and traverse the great void of space? They will become brave explorers, piercing the haunting unknowns of the universe. And with their catnip powered spacecraft, they will combat the evil Mouse Insurgent, working to bring peace to the Interplanetary Cat Federation….

Am I the only one who thinks about these things?

To Bloggers Everywhere – You Might Be Giants

2011-01-19T09:20:00.005-05:00

They wouldn’t understand a word we say, so we’ll scratch it all down into the clay, half believing there will sometime come a day, someone gives a damn, maybe when the concrete has crumbled to sand.

I love They Might Be Giants so I thought I might start out the New Year with their video “The Mesopotamians.” For all my fellow bloggers, I thought I would counter the depressing message in the song with a few words about the “Giants” mentioned in the lyrics.

Sargon - While only a baby, his high priestess mother placed him in a basket of rushes and cast him adrift in a river (sound familiar, this was way before Charlton Heston). Found and raised by a court gardener, he rose in the royal household to become king. He reigned from 2270 to 2215 BCE and is sometimes regarded as the first person in recorded history to create a multiethnic, centrally ruled empire. Sargon's vast empire is known to have extended from Elam to the Mediterranean Sea, including Mesopotamia, parts of modern-day Iran and Syria,

Hammurabi - 1792 to 1750 BCE, is known for the set of laws called Hammurabi's Code, one of the first written code of law in recorded history. These laws were written on a stone tablet standing over eight feet tall and were actually found by archeologists in 1901. They contain one of the earliest examples of the idea of presumption of innocence, and also suggest that the accused and accuser must have the opportunity to provide evidence. Because of his reputation as a lawgiver, Hammurabi's image is depicted on a marble bas-relief in the chamber of the U.S. House of Representatives.

Ashurbanipal - He established the Library of Ashurbanipal, the first systematically organized library in the ancient Middle East, which survives in part today at Nineveh. There have been over 30,000 clay tablets uncovered in the library including hymns and prayers, medical, mathematical, and astrological texts. Reigning Mesopotamia from 668 to 627 BCE, he was the last great king of the first real empire in recorded history. In his time, Ashurbanipal was known as the "King of the Universe."

Gilgamesh ruled around 2500 BC. He is the central character in the aptly named “Epic of Gilgamesh." The latter part of the epic focuses on Gilgamesh's reaction to his friend’s death, which takes him on a quest for immortality. Ultimately the poignant words addressed to Gilgamesh in the midst of his quest foreshadow the end result: "The life that you are seeking you will never find. When the gods created man they allotted to him death, but life they retained in their own keeping."

I don’t think the guy talking to Gilgamesh was correct on this point. I think, if you scratch it all down into the clay (for those of us who give a damn) maybe you do get to live forever. .

Frolicking Reindeer

2010-12-30T08:39:00.001-05:00

Until I have time to write some more angry skeptical rants here is a frolicking reindeer. ok, maybe its an elk.

How a Skeptic Deals With “The Santa Problem”

2010-12-23T10:00:00.003-05:00

My wife and I were out with another couple and their daughter the other night. Since it is nearly Christmas, I asked the little girl the obligatory question, “what is Santa bringing you.” The seven year old responded coldly, by stating there is no Santa Clause. I glanced over at the parents. Obviously displeased with their daughter’s discovery, they were rolling their collective eyes. Without revealing my own position on the subject, I asked the little girl why she did not believe in Santa.

Notice that I did not automatically agree with the little girl, that there was no Santa. I asked her to state her reasons. If she had said that someone in her class had merely told her there was no Santa, I would have asked her if she believes everything her friends tell her. I wanted to see if she had supporting evidence.

She told me that last year she had noticed that the wrapping paper that Santa used was the same as the paper her parents used. She also said that Santa was way too fat to fit in a chimney and that most people don’t even have chimneys anyway. (We live in Florida. He would have to go in through the AC I guess.)
“Ingenious!” I proclaimed, and clapped excitedly. I went on to tell her how smart she was and how wonderful it was that she had uncovered her parent’s ruse. By now her parents were quite unhappy. I could sense this from their deeply furrowed brow - one brow between the two of them, staring straight at me. My wife sighed disappointedly. How was I going to get out of this one? Did I just ruin Christmas?
I have no kids of my own, so of course I have no problem giving advice on how to raise children. I think as long as people clearly state the limits of their experience on a subject, they can give all the advice that they like. Since my job is drawing pictures for a living, I can tell a neurosurgeon the best way to perform brain surgery (the trick is to always go in threw though the nose) hopefully, he or she is smart enough to take my advice for what it is worth.

There they where, the three adults glaring at me. I had to think fast. “Well you know what this means?” I said to the girl. “It means your now in THE CLUB. When you’ve grown up enough to be able to use your brain and think, like Sherlock Homes, or Scooby Doo, you get to join..” I was searching for a name. “Now that you’ve figure out the Santa thing this means you’re smart enough to join… SANTA CLUB.”

“What’s Santa Club?” the parents were just a curious as the little girl.

Kids believe all kinds of make-believe things (unicorns, fairies, Miley Syrus) and that’s great. It’s part of being a kid. The joy that children and parents get from the Santa mythology is magical. I get it. But I feel horrible, when I see a kid scolded for figuring out that there is no Santa. Too often kids are made to feel as if they just did something wrong, when in fact they have just accomplished something magnificent. They have applied critical thinking to a common belief and have come to a conclusion completely separate from their peers. This is something every parent should be proud of, on par with watching their baby take his first steps, or standing in the driveway as their daughter rides her bike without training wheels. It should be a celebration. It’s a milestone, there should be parties, cake!

“Santa Club is a game,” I explained. “We were all told about Santa when we were kids, your mom, your dad, your teacher, all the grownups and we all figured it out, and now so have you. Now part of the game is that you have to see how long YOU can keep the story going. The first rule of Santa Club is that you can’t tell the other kids about it. They have to figure it out on their own or else it doesn’t count.” \

The Mother of this girl liked where this was going and joined in. “And it is important that you help keep the Santa thing going. You now have come up with ways to get littler kids to keep thinking there is a Santa Claus.”

The girl loved this idea and she REALLY appreciated the fact that she was now part of “the club.” She said she understood and wouldn’t tell anyone. Since she has younger cousins, she had all sorts of ideas to help keep Santa going. So instead of making her feel that she had done something wrong, she was being rewarded for critical thinking and I don’t think we ruined her Christmas or lessened her childhood one smidgen.

I do have to admit that the husband wasn’t too keen on the whole idea. He still thought I messed something up, but what are you going to do. You can’t please everyone. Besides, his wife tells me that he didn’t join “Santa Club” till he was in his teens. Ouch!

Happy Holidays everyone.

The Island of Misfit Toys

2010-12-15T06:13:00.002-05:00

How would you like to be a spotted elephant or a choo choo with square wheels on your caboose or a water pistil that shoots jelly? We’re all misfits!

Click on the page fold to read more.

Batman Forever

Exterminate!

Why is this elephant smiling?

WOW - it’s a small broom!

Why isn’t Wolverine smiling?

There must have been a feet to meter conversion problem in this order.

Really?

REALLY?

Dora is always exploring new places.
Happy Holidays Everyone.

Skepticism and Art

2010-12-08T08:32:00.001-05:00

All the well-known Skeptics are globetrotting this week so, in an attempt to fit in, I thought I would tell you about my recent trip. Art Basel is an international art exhibition held each year in both, Basel, Switzerland, and Miami, USA. I went to the one in Miami, because I don’t think my car would make it to Switzerland. If you ever find yourself in South Florida around the first week of December try to make it over to some of these shows. From Picasso to Shepard Fairey to Hello Kitty, I promise there is some art collection just for you.

This year my wife and I concentrated on the smaller fringe shows which popped up around the main convention. This gave us the opportunity to see incredible cutting edge stuff along with (to be frank) some real crap. My wife is good at defining which is which. Fanciful taxidermy creating a whimsical creature which is part iridescence peacock and part full scale rhinoceroses – that’s art. Decaying foam seat cushion secured to the wall with a piece of wood – that’s crap.

The experience reminded me of a film I saw a while back focusing on a painting know as “Man with Golden Helmet.” It is a beautiful work of art, owned by the Staatliche Museum in Berlin. Up until recently, this work was attributed to Rembrandt van Rijn. It depicts a somber soldier wearing a decorative helmet, staring sternly at the viewer. The juxtaposition of the old war-hardened man and the elaborately cast helmet is magnified by delicate brush strokes emulating the dancing and glowing light on the polished metal. The entire thing has that ethereal Rembrandt radiance and was the museums crown jewel. It was world famous. The museum had a specially curtained off section, devoted to it and crowds of people would line up three rows deep to get a glimpse of the little painting. Then suddenly, in 1985, a council of art experts determined that the work was not painted by Rembrandt at all, but instead, most likely created by one of his students.

That’s when people stopped coming around to see the little painting. With no more crowds, the painting was moved to a side wall of the museum, around a corner. If you didn’t know to look for it today, you might walk right past it. It’s the same painting, just as beautiful, just as masterfully crafted, only the master isn’t Rembrandt. The painting’s worth has been downgraded to a tenth of what it was originally. But as a reviewer noted, what is a tenth of priceless?

As we walked through Art Basel, my wife picking off art as though it were a shooting gallery, this one’s art; this one’s crap. Art, art, crap, BLAM, BLAM, BLAM! I thought there was a Skeptical lesson here. I, for one, am not too quick to define what is “art,” and what is not. I’m more of the opinion that everything that man makes (or has ever made) is art, from feather covered sculptures, to things nailed to a wall. As to whether it is good art or bad art - that’s a different story. And as to whether other people will perceive what you create as being true art…well, I think that’s just dumb blind luck.

MATHS – How to Win a Computerized Toast System

2010-11-30T10:40:00.001-05:00

MALE PROSTITUTES AND THE POPE

2010-11-22T21:57:00.005-05:00

“Pope Benedict XVI says in a new book that condoms can be justified for male prostitutes seeking to stop HIV.” He doesn’t approve the use of condoms for any other group in the entire world - just male prostitutes. For a subject that hasn’t been in the news lately, that’s a strangely specific decree, isn’t it?

I mean it’s kind of like if your boss had you over for dinner, and you were complimenting him on the meal he served, when suddenly he blurts out “I don’t think it’s wrong if a person masturbates to an image of Misses Howell from Gilligan’s Island.”

ok…ah…great…um…I really like these vegetables.

The Pope went on to say, “for male prostitutes — whom contraception isn't the central issue — condoms are not a moral solution. But he said they could be justified."

He didn’t choose to announce a position on contraception in general, in order to address the problem of AIDS on the entire continent of Africa. (1.5 million deaths a year) It’s not even part of a new church campaign to fight female exploitation or the sex slave trade in places like Dubia or Thailand. No, those problems aren’t big enough for the Pope to address.

He seems to just be concerned with MALE prostitutes, (with hazel brown hair perhaps, who live within a 20 mile radius of Rome, and who like to laugh and aren’t afraid to cuddle.)
Ah…yah...and…um…The soup was good too?

I’ll admit it. This article is not quite fair. At least the Pope has finally admitted that condoms can fight HIV as opposed to saying condoms CAUSE AIDS, a position he espoused in a 2009 BBC interview. At least now he is moving in the right direction, all be it at a glacial pace. We shouldn’t make fun of him. He just makes it so easy. The title of this article wrote itself. And the picture - I didn’t even have to add a caption, real. It is interesting how simple it is to imply something just by placing two pictures next to each other. And with the Pope its really simple. When it’s Pope Benedict the implications reveal themselves like a Chippendale Dancer during ladies night. Take this as an example:

Or this:

Or how about this?

graphically speaking, Llamas are also funny.

A SONG ABOUT QUARKS

2010-11-16T08:35:00.001-05:00

Go to Vblog Brothers they have some great stuff.

SHOULD I BE A DICK?

2010-11-05T18:47:00.003-04:00

I will not lie to you, as I write this; the news from the trenches is not encouraging. The enemies of reason are on the march. We are being attacked from all fronts. Because the struggle is so long and so exhausting some of you might begin to blame your fellow soldier for the slow progress of the entire movement. We must not give in to this, seductive temptation. For, although it seems like our foes have us greatly outnumbered, We have right on our side!..AND WE HAVE A SECRET WEAPON.
If you don’t know, there is war going on in the Freethought community. Skeptics think that Atheists are pushing their message too hard. Atheists are accusing Skeptics of being accommodationist. And everyone just ignores the Humanists because, let’s face it, they don’t know how to get any press anyway. The following is a letter that I have sent to some Freethought and Skeptic magazines:

The debate over whether to be nice or not while practicing Skepticism seems to be missing an important component …numbers. Every facet of the Freethought movement (Skepticism, Atheism and Humanism) seems to have blossomed in the last few years, but honestly none of us can really say that what we are personally doing contributed to this. A survey every ten years reporting how many Americans “believe in evolution” doesn’t cut it.

I put forth a challenge to all sides – STATISTICS AT TWENTY PACES. Let us remember who we are. We are, each of us, scientists at heart. We do not accept a hypothesis merely because it sounds good. We demand proof. I call for a new emphasis on statistics. I call everyone, be you Skeptic, Atheist or Humanist, to go forth and seek out new ways to measure whether what you are doing is having any effect. I for one do not want to waste my time preaching to the choir. I want to accomplish something.

Go ahead and try new things; put up billboards in Georgia, give out vaccinations at comic book conventions, even roll up pages of the Koran and smoke them if you want, but come up with some type of metric beforehand that shows that what you are doing is having an effect. That’s how a scientist would do it. Not by giving a lecture but by timing weighted balls dropped from the Leaning Tower of Pisa. We Freethinkers have a secret weapon in this war against reason. We know numbers don’t lie. In this debate, one side might be right or all sides might be right but we will never know without a way to measure it. Like all of you, I demand proof. I say RELEASE THE ACTUARIES!

Plants With Eyes

2010-10-29T21:02:00.002-04:00

happy Halloween

Scientology – Return of the Archons

2010-10-26T08:04:00.002-04:00

Recently I found myself in the town of Clearwater, Florida, world headquarters of a unique organization. My office was, maybe 400 yards, from what was once the First National Bank of Clearwater. The sturdy neoclassic designed building was decorated with massive Greek columns and the words “Church of Scientology” newly carved in the freeze.

Apparently, the preferred wardrobe for many of the Church of Scientology members is simple black pants, black shoes and white button down shirts. I did not know this until recently. When I first arrived in Clearwater, I just thought the town employed an unusually high number of French waiters.
I was there for f weeks. Everyone in town was nice. I was never approached by devoted followers or dragged away and brainwashed by cult operatives. (At least I don’t think I was. That’s the funny thing about brainwashing. You never can know for sure, can you?)

There was one interesting moment during my stay in the town, which I would like to describe to you all. It was on a Saturday, I found myself having to work the weekend. I had skipped breakfast and was the only one in the office so around noon I finally decided to take a walk to get something to eat. Downtown Clearwater has a charming, small town, main street. It seems like the local government spent a lot of money recently to fix it up - restored storefronts, neat sidewalks and a green median, with a sculpture and fountain. The sad thing is, despite the refurbished facades, all the stores are empty, (I suppose, as a consequence of the economic downturn.) The weather was wonderful. It was the beginning of fall, which is the only reason Floridians put up with six months of what seems like living on the hot side of the planet Mercury. Because it was Saturday, no one was downtown, the street was beautiful but empty with an ideal breeze rustling the palm trees. Everything was just right in a kind of Truman Show sort of way. As I walked down the street, my stomach grumbling, a crowd of Scientologists started streaming out of the large church. (I suppose they have to eat too) and the street, a ghost town, a moment before, was now filled with people, all serene and polite, all wearing black pants, black shoes and white shirts. So there it was, a perfect day, on a perfect street, with no activity going on behind the perfect business facades, and with everyone dressed exactly the same, like a scene straight out of The Stepford Wives. The only thing out of place was me, hungry, and cranky, weaving through it all, in my ratty sneakers and Hawaiian shirt, desperately looking for a place that would sell me a ham sandwich.

Cash Gifting

2010-10-19T07:53:00.001-04:00

“Today I Quit Being a Christian” By Jesus Christ

2010-10-10T09:26:00.006-04:00

This just in: Today, on his Twitter page, Jesus Christ, philosopher and rumored “Son of God” announced “I quit being a Christian. I’m out. ”
Twitter followers were stunned. “I refuse to be anti-gay. I refuse to be anti-feminist. I refuse to be anti-science, anti-movies, anti-Halloween, anti-Harry Potter, anti-Teletubbies, anti-science fiction conventions, anti-Indian food, anti-Large Hadron Collider, anti-big words, anti-yoga, anti-Karma Sutra (pages 17 thru 49), anti-news that isn’t Fox, anti-history books, anti-Wikipedia, anti-trees, and especially anti-Will and Grace. I mean come on, who didn’t like Will and Grace. Jack was so funny. Am I right?”
“I just, in good conscience, can no longer associate myself with this quarrelsome, hostile (and frankly way to needy) group. They all just need to get a life, always asking me for stuff. “Can you give me the lottery numbers? Will you rig the football games so my team will win? Can you smite the entire population of that country, over there, so I can continue to drive my SUV?” It’s tiresome.

How do your friends feel about this decision?
I suppose have a lot of Christian friends. I never really thought about it. They’re going to be disappointed. I understand that, but let’s face it. A lot of them had it coming. I don’t mind sitting there listening to them talking about their kids or their crumby job, but when they start talking about burning Korans and blabbering about the Tea Party and how great Glen Beck is, I just turn off. And when I started seeing the “Palin/Coulter 2012” bumper sticker, frankly, I thought my head was going to explode.

What do you say to your fans?
I know this might come as a shock to some, but those people who have been following me on Facebook, probably knew this was coming for a while, ever since my break with the Catholic Church in 05. In the old days it was cool being Roman Catholic. It was like a private party. There was ritual, the churches were all glittery, John Paul was lovable. You just wanted to squeeze him, but when Ratzinger took over, it just stopped being fun.

How will this affect your books?
If you’re asking me if I think this will affect sales, I doubt it. Face it. People are looking for a certain type of thing when they buy my books. That market has always been there and will always be there. That’s not going to change. Besides, that whole thing kind of runs itself now. I really don’t get involved with that part of my business. To be really honest here, I wasn’t even very involved with the first book. It was a fluke. Who knew it would take off like that? Now there are movies and games. It’s a whole industry. I can live a good life on the royalties from the action figures alone.

What is your opinion on the state of Christian literature today?
Being responsible for a few bestsellers myself, I find it harder and harder to get behind the Christian literature coming out these days. Frank E. Peretti’s stuff is sooo “preachy,” and Tim LaHaye’s, Left Behind series? It’s like reading The Road Warrior. I’m sure Mel Gibson would love to star in the next movie.

What do you think about Ann Rice’s books?
I liked the vampire books. But I have a real problem with Rice’s recent stuff. The problem is that they claim to be based on exhaustive research by the author, but really it is nothing more than pure fiction. Don’t get me wrong, fiction is my middle name, but let’s call a spade a spade, here.

If your no longer a Christian, is there one denomination that you do like?
Frankly, I don’t have much use for any of ‘em. I would prefer to walk away from the argument, from the confusion. I’m not leaving just the Christians. I want to leave the entire fray, the entire quarrel - the entire public face of religion. I guess you could call me a reverse-theist or maybe call it anti-beleifism. How about an athei-theologionism? There probably is a better term for what I have become but god knows what it is.

What’s next for JC?
I think I need to be more comfortable with myself before I can go worrying about the whole world, you know what I’m saying? Take some “me time.” Maybe, I’ll do some traveling, head out East. I know some people out there who said they would put me up for a few nights.

THEY MIGHT BE GIANTS & ONE DOZEN MONKEYS

2010-09-29T22:14:00.001-04:00

People, Who Believe the Devil Exists, Don’t Believe In God.

2010-09-20T22:06:00.004-04:00

Recently during an email exchange with a friend of mine (in which I was trying to explain to him that the bible was not literally true) my friend explained to me that I was being controlled by the Devil. Although I was shocked (and yes, I’ll admit, a little bit flattered) I chose to I ignore the accusation. I was not going to be suckered into a long debate about the existence of Satan. Instead I decided to take the high road and focused on my friend’s assertion that evolution was wrong because of the fact that we humans cannot reach every part of our own body to scratch ourselves. True story.

Now that I have a little more time on my hands I decided I will take the bait and turn my attention to THE DARK ONE. Let me make a clear declarative statement. People, who believe the Devil exists, cannot also believe in God (at least not God as most of us understand him). When I Goggled the idea that people can’t believe in both God and the Devil I was surprised nothing came right up. I’m sure I did not think this up myself. Most of my philosophical and religious positions are either based on dim memories from my college philosophy class or merely reinterpretations of old Twilight Zone plots. So I assumed this idea of mine is not new. But, since it is not present in the popular discussions on the internet, I think I should take the time to explain it by offering a formal logical proof.

First we need to get some definitions out of the way. By most accounts God is the all powerful, all knowing, and all good, creator of the entire universe. That’s what most Americans are talking about when they use the word “God.” Let’s put a few caveats on this, just so we’re all talking about the same thing. Using this definition, God is not an alien who has seeded the planet with life, because that’s not “all powerful.” God is not an impersonal energy force that we merge with after we die. That is not all good. And God is not dog spelled backwards because I own a cat. All of those things might be real or not, but those things are not what most Americans mean when they use the word “God.” Those things are fertile aliens, pervasive energy forces, and dyslexic puppies.

Now, let’s talk about the Satan. The common belief is that the Devil is an angel who decided to rebel against God and as a result was cast down to hell. The Devil is still attempting this coup d’état, by causing untold pain and suffering on this planet, in an attempt to become the Master of the Universe. Despite the fact that this is a bunch of Saturday morning cartoon crap, I will still address it with my usual level of respect and decorum.

We need one more definition, the term Q.E.D. It stands for the Latin phrase quod erat demonstrandum, which means "that which was to be demonstrated". The phrase is traditionally placed in its abbreviated form at the end of a mathematical proof or philosophical argument when that which was specified in the premise, or in the declarative statement, has been exactly restated as the conclusion. The abbreviation thus signals the completion of the proof. In the world of rhetoric it is the equivalent of bobbing your head from side to side and saying “in your face”).

I will now show that if God exists, the Devil cannot. For those of you who think that because I am starting with the premise that “God exists” that I might be going soft on religion. Do not fear. While at work, my coworkers and I often sit around for hours arguing about who would win in a fight, Dracula or the Robot from Lost in Space. It does not mean I believe in them either.

And now the logical proof:
- People who believe the Devil exists cannot also believe in God.
- God is all powerful, all knowing, and all good.
- God created all things
- God created Satan, who rebelled against God and was cast down to hell
   where he now rules.
- The Devil is the cause of suffering in the world.
- Since God created the Devil then God is responsible for the suffering in the
   world which means God is not all good.
- A believer might say that it’s not Gods fault that Satan chose to rebel
   against God.
- But if God did not know that Satan would rebel before God created him
   then God is not all knowing.
- So God knew, when he created the Devil, that Satan would eventually rebel
   and yet God chose to create Satan anyway.
- Therefore God can still be considered the cause of suffering in the world.
- A believer might counter by saying God had to create evil because without
   evil, we humans would not be capable of perceiving good. There cannot
   be good in the world without evil, they would say.
- But God is all powerful, which means he can do anything
- This means he can create a world where good exists (and is perceived as
   such) without the necessity of evil.
- The believer would say “that’s impossible.”
- But nothing is impossible for God, if he can’t make a world that is all good
   without evil then God is not all powerful.
- If you believe the Devil exists you must believe God is ether not all good,
   not all knowing or not all powerful.
- If you believe in the Devil you do not believe in God. QED

In your face Pat Robertson. You can’t see it but I’m bobbing my head from side to side right now.

The Future is Groovy

2010-09-08T21:50:00.001-04:00

I’ve been pulling 12 hour days lately and have had no time to write, so to make it up to you, I thought I would show you a video of what I GUARANTEE the future will be like.

Did you see the size of those fish?

You can prove anything with facts.

2010-08-31T22:54:00.001-04:00

This Could Be Craziest Post I Have Ever Written

2010-08-25T07:31:00.001-04:00

A while back I spoke about pareidolia, the act of seeing specific images in vague random shapes. It was easy for me to find a bunch of pictures of the virgin marry to illustrate the phenomena, So I started looking for some pictures of the big man, himself. They were also easy to find - Jesus on toast, Jesus in an x-ray, Jesus in a Kit Kat bar. But, there was one picture in particular, that I came across, that I specifically did not use. When you stare at this picture, if you squint your eyes, and you use your imagination you can clearly see the image of Jesus in…I’m sorry, I can’t say it. It is too crude for my blog. Believe it or not, I DO want to maintain a certain civility in my posts. And this image of Jesus would be crossing the line.

But I can’t stop thinking about it. Not because of where the image is, but because of what the implications of this image appearing in this particular place, are. You see, the fact that the image of Jesus can clearly be seen in… this place, could very well be absolute proof that there is no God.

According to Christian beliefs, God is responsible for all things. He designs the sunsets. He determines the number of leaves on every tree. And, he determines the growth patterns on the hair on….

If he really existed, he did this. He is responsible for this image. He is the guy who put THAT there. There is no way around it. You can’t say it was man’s fault for seeing it. God is all knowing. He knew that there would be some bozo with a cell phone camera and the rudimentary skills to upload images to the internet. If God didn’t want us to see Jesus in this place then why has he been conditioning us for all these years to spot Jesus in all those other places - in potato chips, and tree bark and oil stains? If Jesus really is appearing in all those ordinary places then you can’t blame us if we suddenly see him so clearly in…NO I WON’T SAY IT.

God does not exist. That is the only reasonable explanation. The alternative is too appalling to imagine. There can be no other explanation. If he exists, he is an insane deity, baiting us, wanting us to identify this horrible image. He is waiting, like a tiger in the tall grass, waiting to judge us unworthy, to cast us to hell - ready to pounce, wishing with all his heart that we fail. GOD IS MAD, YERNING TO ENVELOP US ALL….. Oh, ok. Here’s the picture.

F*ck Me, Ray Bradbury

2010-08-16T22:50:00.001-04:00

I want to be the first one to link to this.

I love at the end when she slaps the girl wearing the Kurt Vonnegut T shirt.

Is the oil spill really that bad?

2010-08-15T15:06:00.005-04:00

The following is either the thought process of a skeptic or the mad scribblings of a schizophrenic mind. First the obligatory disclaimer - All of the preliminary investigation suggests BP was grossly negligent in regards to the recent oil spill. BP should pay every cent for the cleanup and be heavily fined for the damage that it caused to the environment and to people’s lives. (Offer not valid where prohibited by law.)

With that said, will the Gulf recover from this spill a lot faster than we expected? From the beginning something didn’t seem right about the media’s coverage of this spill. What I remember from the Exxon Valdez disaster are images of scores of workers in hazmat suits using giant pressure sprayers along large runs of coastlines. I haven’t seen that here. I know this spill is bad but why is it that all of the images I see of this disaster only involve close ups of fish and frames of marshland about 20 to 30 feet wide.

Oh Nick, don’t be suckered. The reason you don’t see those images is because there is a conspiracy by BP and the government to prevent reporters near the cleanup.

You know when UFO people tell me there are no good pictures of flying saucers because it’s a conspiracy I start making tin foil hats for them. Could it be that the Valdez spill was more damaging because it was so close to shore?

It’s not tin foil hat stuff. There is precedence for this kind of cover-up by the government. Remember how the Bush administration lied about NY’s air quality after 9/11. That wasn’t a conspiracy theory. That was the conclusion of the Office of the Inspector General of the EPA.

Yeah, but the Bush administration was different than the Obama administration. Obama doesn’t have ties to big oil like Bush did. Because of the budget problems, Obama is going to want BP to pay as much as possible for clean-up and economic support for the gulf. It wouldn’t be in his interest to suppress news reports.

You naive bastard. He’s worried about his poll numbers.

If he is supporting the building of a mosque near ground zero, I don’t think he much cares about poll numbers. Besides I saw this graphic recently from CNBC. Between 100 to 300 million gallons of oil were spilled into the Gulf. If the Gulf were the size of the Cowboys Stadium in Dallas (the biggest football stadium in the world) than the oil spill would be equivalent to a 24 ounce can of beer. I’m not a marine biologist, but to me, that’s something the environment might be able to handle?

Forget about those fancy pants graphics. Besides CNBC is well known for pandering to anti- environmental conservatives (insert sarcasm here). What about the 1979 Mexican Ixtoc oil spill in the Gulf that you wrote about? 140 million gallons of oil. Didn’t that have an effect?

Well yes and no. I’ll give you the quote from the Herald Tribune:
“Nearly a year after Ixtoc…The population of crabs and mollusks near shore nose-dived. Mats of green algae covered coral and rocks, either from repeated drenching in oil or from the loss of the creatures that would normally eat the algae.Offshore, the oil and dispersant mix wiped out the base of the food chain, particularly the zooplankton that feed on algae. This led to enormous algae blooms that hurt fish and shellfish.But there was no follow-up research. On the surface, the environment appeared to have bounced back within about five years”
On the surface, the environment appeared to have bounced back. Reportedly, there is still oil under the sand in that area but scientists just don’t know what the long term effects of this will be.

Thirty years later and there is still oil under the sand there?

Yeah, maybe that off shore drilling moratorium is not such a bad idea, at least until we can be sure things like this don’t happen again.

I don’t like this subject. There are no clear answers.

Yeah, that’s the way it is sometimes.

Portraits of Strangers

2010-08-10T17:12:00.002-04:00

I’ve said I don’t really like people much, but I DO love the Human race. Take a second to go to this wed site on flicker called Portraits of Strangers. Human Beings are wonderful.

HOW OPINION POLLS WORK

2010-07-31T22:01:00.002-04:00

Yesterday the Skeptical community was abuzz about a crooked poll, PZ Myers found on a creationist website. It reminded me of this clip from a great, British sitcom I loved in the 80’s called “Yes Minister.”

If you don’t know, PZ Myers is a biology professor at the University of Minnesota Morris. On his website, Pharyngula, he is a distinguished bulldog, relentlessly fighting the nonsense that is creationism and intelligent design.

The poll question was:
What do you believe about evolution?
It’s a religion. 46%
It’s a fact! 43%
It’s a reasonable scientific theory 11%
The skullduggery here, as PZ points out, is that the creationists split the reasonable choice into two, thereby ensuring its loss and their win.

URBAN LEGEND TRUE

2010-07-26T21:42:00.003-04:00

Someone at the office told me this story: It seems there was this zoo in Bristol, England, which had a small secondary parking lot that was owned and administered, not by the zoo, but by the city. It was manned by a loyal parking attendant, who in 25 years , never missed a day of work. That is until one day, when the parking attendant didn’t show up for work. The zoo administrator called the city to tell them they needed to send a replacement over. The city said they had no idea what the zoo administrator was talking about. The city had no employee collecting money for them in that location. It seems this phony parking attendant had been collecting money and pocketing it. They figured it was 400 pounds a day for the past 25 years. When the authorities went to the employee’s home they found it empty and no one knows what had become of him.

When I heard this story, immediately my “skepty” sense started tingling. I informed my coworker that what he just told me was probably an urban legend. Don’t get me wrong. It was a great story. Hard working bloke, bucks the system, gets away with millions, probably sitting on a beach somewhere. The problem is that this story has red flags all over it:

It’s about “some guy.” He has no name.

It takes place in another country, but since the city is identified that gives it a little authenticity.

It’s about something we would all like to be true. No one is really hurt by the crime. After twenty five years, you could say, the guy earned the money.

But, did the guy never miss a day at work? He even worked weekends?

How could he have gone 25 years without ever blabbing about his scam to at least one other person? He never had one too many beers at a pub, and started bragging?

This was a simple call. I didn’t believe this story for a second. I told my work friend immediately, to go to the website, Snopes. If you don’t know, Snopes, it is a great resource to check out the validity of urban legends.

Now here is where the twist comes in. My friend looked at the web site and said,” SNOPES CONFIRMED THIS STORY TO BE TRUE”. I instantly became confused. How could this be? It makes no sense. All the rules of logic, that I’ve come to rely on, seem to be letting me down. All the analytical thinking, the baloney detectors, they all were failing. Up was down. Down was up. Twinkies were good for you, and we’re all wearing monkey pajamas. The room was spinning.

Then my friend corrected himself. “oh no wait. I’m reading it wrong. ‘true story’ is the title of the email that was going around. Nope it’s a fake”
And all is right with the world.

DISCO STROBE LIGHT AND RACOONS IN MY GARAGE HAVE LED ME TO MY FIRST PODCAST

2010-07-20T23:02:00.001-04:00

Here is the progression. After discovering the dirty animals in the rafters I started asking friends what I should do about it. Some suggested poison, but I was afraid my cat might get into that. Some said I should trap the animal but I already have experience with this. In the end, you find yourself in possession of a ravenous, spitting, growling, devil beast contained in a flimsy cage, which you then have to set free in the woods someplace. Here is a little advice. After relating the ghastly story to your friends of trying to unlatch the cage door for this flea (and possibly rabies) infested vermin, do not finish by showing them a picture that you snapped on your phone of the trapped beast. All you will elicit is sympathy for the monster and comments of how cruel YOU are. I swear there was spitting and growling and clawing at the cage handle. It was horrific

So where does the strobe light fit in? Well one of my friends suggested I put a strobe light in my garage at night. He said this would drive the raccoons out. And although this guy smokes a lot of weed, his suggestion seamed to make sense. I like thinking outside the box. Here is a solution that doesn’t involve hurting the animal and also doesn’t involve personal danger to myself. We should all try new things. So I got out my disco strobe light (yes I have a disco strobe light) and hooked it up. And now I present to you the song that resulted:

TIDAL WAVE CAUSED BY OIL VOLCANO TO SLAM INTO FLORIDA -more critical thinking in action

2010-07-14T07:28:00.005-04:00

Someone sent me this video recently, and it wasn’t even my birthday. Thank you very much. I live to address claims like these.

So if we are going to evaluate a video like this, why don’t we start with the two guys talking? A quick Google search for Bill Ryan and Dr Bill Deagle (the guy without the accent) brings up their web sites. Deagle’s site talks about how the Federal Reserve, 911 and the Avian Flu are all tied together to bring about a “New World Order.” Bill Ryan’s web site talks about Freemasons, World War III (which is apparently going to happen in the next 18 to 24 months) an “Anglo-Saxon Mission” to Christianize the world and of course the “New World Order.” Well, I guess my work here is done. Good night everybody. Drive carefully, and don’t forget to tip your waitresses.

Actually that’s not quite fair. What I did there was called an “ad hominem argument.” I attacked the messengers, rather than the message, and it is a logical fallacy. So, let’s actually look at the claims.

At the beginning of the video, Dr. Deagle uses the term “abiotic oil.” Abiotic oil (as we have all learned in school) is an unlimited energy resource produced from magna seeping up from the earth’s core which is then transformed into rich and infinite reservoirs of oil. What? You don’t remember that from school. That’s because most scientists think abiotic oil is bunk. In the western world, most geologists believe oil is a limited resource, the product of the fossilization of organic substances deposited over millions of years, and not created from magma.

So according to Deagle, the reservoir of oil, involved with the spill, indicates heavy volcanic activity in the area. So let’s take a look at all that volcanic activity in the Gulf of Mexico. This map is from the Smithsonian Institute. The big red triangles indicate all volcanic activity in the area.

You don’t see any big red triangles? That’s because there is no volcanic activity in the Gulf of Mexico. None! To be fair, there is some tectonic plate activity running through Cuba and the Yucatan Peninsula, but nothing even remotely near the oil spill.

And that’s Deagle entire pitch. All the terrible things that are going to happen - poison gas, superheated water, tidal waves washing over all of Florida - all of it, has to be initiated by volcanic activity. Even abiotic oil has to be a product of volcanic activity, volcanic activity that just isn’t in that area. So that’s it. Good night everyone. Try the veal.

Ok, I’ll continue. Deagle says there is a lot of FEMA activity occurring in the states bordering the Gulf. I have no doubt that there is, at present, increased government activity in that area. I would attribute this activity to that oil spilly thingy. Did you hear about it? It’s been in all the papers. But is FEMA engaged in evacuation exercises? Deagle offers websites, as proof, that he says, did at one time talk about these exercises but which are now unfortunately no longer up. How convenient. This is a classic red flag for skeptics. Does Deagle offer us any saved text from these sites, domain names or even screen captures maybe? Nothing. Did you know there is this thing called the “Wayback Machine” which can show you archives of websites as they appeared at any time in the past. So you can see that racist comment posted by that popular celebrity before his publicists had a chance to scrub the site clean. I guess Deagle wouldn’t be able to use that resource. Heck, they’re probably in on the conspiracy too.

While we are on the subject, if a tidal wave is inevitable, what’s the government’s motivation for keeping it a secret, anyway? Wouldn’t they want the story to leak out slowly so people don’t panic? They have time to absorb the idea, prepare for the disaster and maybe even evacuate? When there is even the hint of a raincloud off the coast of Africa, every news outlet in the nation begins its 24 hour coverage of the hurricane that they say will inevitable slam into Florida. As a result of this coverage, the responsible people in Florida evacuate early, leaving us more brave hearted souls to begin our search for the best hurricane party. It’s foolish, I admit it. The second the wind starts blowing past 15 MPH, I start mixing banana daiquiris. But, during a hurricane, at least the smart people get out and are safe. So how is this any different? Again, why would the government keep this a secret?

When the news media call the event in the Gulf an “oil volcano,” they are using a figure of speech. They don’t literally mean there is a geological volcano that happens to be spewing oil instead of lava. It is a colorful metaphor. Just like when I say that this Dr Bill Deagle character is a certifiable “NUT,” I don’t literally mean he is a seed borne within a fruit having a hard shell, as in the peanut, almond, or walnut. I am using a colorful metaphor. I mean he is just talking nonsense. He is not a geologist. He is not talking science. He is just spewing crap, just like BP’s pipe. And, I guess that’s it for me. I want to thank you folks for coming. If you liked the show, you can catch me at the Ramada Inn off of exit 59, where I do one show a night, Wednesdays through Thursdays – two on Saturdays.

THE BEST DINOSAUR

2010-06-26T22:06:00.001-04:00

BARACK OBAMA IS NOT GOING TO GET INVOLVED WITH THIS EMERGENCY, AND THAT’S A GOOD THING

2010-06-22T08:38:00.004-04:00

I know what you’ve been feeling. The president should do something about this oil spill. He should personally take charge of the capping effort. You imagine Barack Obama on a Naval destroyer. His one hand grasping the rigging, leaning past the bow of the ship, his other hand shading his eyes, as he scans the watery horizon for any sign of the source of the oil. When the ship finally arrives at the epicenter of the disaster, the President has already stripped down to a bathing suit, in preparation for what everyone knows he must do. Executing a perfect swan dive, he plunges into the thick black whirlpool, a large shark knife clenched between his teeth.

Ok, maybe that’s not what you are imagining. I don’t know. You are going to have to work out all that homoerotic fantasizing yourself. I can’t help you. Either way, you need to accept the idea that Barack Obama is not going to get involved with this emergency, and contrary to what you’re feeling, that’s probably a good thing.

I say this as a result of two facts. First, in 1979 a similar drilling accident occurred off the coast of Mexico and they tried everything we are trying now (high hats, top kill, rubber tires, the whole enchilada) in an attempt to stop the leak. In spite of all their efforts, the geyser was not capped until a relief well was drilled TEN MONTHS later. And that whole exercise occurred in only 160 feet of water. This current spill is happening one mile under the ocean. There really is little hope that this will end any time soon. So we must resign ourselves to the fact that there is no minimization of damages here. There is only recovery, years and years of recovery.

And the second fact is that these years of recovery are going to cost billions. So who is going to pay those billions? No question, BP, right? Of course. But what if Obama takes control of the capping effort? Then what? What if, say, he had ordered crews to use the top kill first, then the top hat, (the opposite of what BP did)? What then? Probably the same results - failure. And the relief well would still have to be drilled.

Only there really would be a big difference. British Petroleum wouldn’t be responsible for all the failures, Barack Obama would. And BP would have an argument in court. “Why should we pay the entire cost of the cleanup,” they would say. “It’s partially also the presidents fault. After all he authorized the top kill before the high hat. That was a mistake. If we, BP, were in charge, it would have been done differently. We would have had that well capped in half the time. As a result, your honor, we, at BP, feel we should only have to pay for half of the cleanup.” And you know that’s what they would say.

Even if the President did exactly what BP is doing now, in exactly the same order - it wouldn’t matter. BP would say, they’d of done it differently. That’s what any corporation would say. There is nothing wrong with that. There job is to make money. (or stop from paying for pesky things like cleanups) But we can’t give BP any excuses.

You see, we have to continue to allow BP to be completely in charge. They must be completely responsible. We have no alternative, unless we, the American people want to be on the hook for some portion of what will inevitably be billions upon billions of dollars for cleanup. Unfortunately, until the well is capped, we are all BP’s bitches. Now, once the well is capped, that’s a different story. Then, hopefully, we can kick some ass. (There I go, dreaming again)

AND TO THINK, JUST MOMENTS BEFORE, I WAS STANDING UNDER THAT VERY TREE PRAYING TO A FALSE IDLE

2010-06-08T22:13:00.002-04:00

A lightning strike, recently, in by backyard, completely obliterated one of my cypress trees. Was this the act of an angry god, punishing me for being an Atheist? Was it like the time the almighty sent a hurricane to Orlando to punish us for Gay Days but missed Disney? What about the time he tried to punish New Orleans for their debauchery, but missed Bourbon Street? I’ll say one thing for God; he sure is a lousy shot.

CHANGE YOUR MIND ABOUT SOMETHING

2010-05-29T21:31:00.004-04:00

Yesterday I was quietly sitting at my computer writing (ok surfing for pictures of woman in slave Princess Leia outfits) with my cat lounging innocently on my desk next to me when my wife burst into the office with a pair of scissors. “It’s time to take the stitches out of the cat,” She said ominously. It had been 14 days since our cat (Mr. Sneaches) had minor surgery to remove a large mole.

I was shocked at her statement. “I’ll make an appointment with the vet tomorrow,” I said.
“Then one of us will have to take off from work. Let’s just do it ourselves, right now!” she jeered while focusing the desk lamp on the unsuspecting victim.

“Are you insane? You’re not a Vet. You don’t know what you are doing,” I protested shielding the cat from her advance.

“Come on. It’s no big deal. You get under the knot and, snip, snip, snip.” I was convinced she was out of her mind. This delicate procedure could only be carried out in a modern sterile surgical arena and only by a team of highly trained professionals. At one point I was running through the house, cradling the poor animal while my crazed wife chased us both with rusty garden sheers. My wife informs me that this last part might be an exaggeration, but that’s what I remember.

After everyone calmed down (and the cat was temporarily given over to the custordy of the neighbors for its own safety), it was agreed that I would call my wife’s father (who really is a vet) and ask if it is alright for her to remove the stitches. He informed me that she had seen and assisted in this procedure dozens of times before. As long as she sterilizes the cuticle scissors (which she had already done) all would be fine.
Everything went off without a hitch and the cat didn’t even know what happened. I was completely wrong. Apparently this sort of postoperative surgery is so simple you can do it on a Latin American bus traveling up the side of a dusty mountain trail surrounded by livestock and malaria. (I am now being informed by my wife that this also might be incorrect)

The point is - it’s ok to be wrong. I am always learning and because of this, I am constantly adjusting my preconceived notions. I am happy and proud to admit that.

ANOTHER PUBLIC SERVICE BROUGHT TO YOU BY THE TEXAS BOARD OF EDUCATION

2010-05-24T07:35:00.002-04:00

This week the Texas Board of Education adopted new teaching guidelines which include the following: deluding the rationale behind separation of church and state, removing Thomas Jefferson as an example of an influential political philosopher (because he was a secularist) and teaching that McCarthyism was justified. So you’re saying to yourself, “that’s Texas. They have the right to teach their kids whatever they want.” The problem is that national book publishers don’t usually make different school books for different states. The Texas market is so large the rest of the nation gets stuck with their school books.

HAPPY DRAW MUHAMMAD DAY

2010-05-20T07:15:00.002-04:00

THE CHURCH ISN’T LIABLE FOR SEXUAL ABUSE BECAUSE PRIESTS AREN’T EMPLOYEES OF THE VATICAN

2010-05-16T20:53:00.004-04:00

I don’t want my blog to be about religion all the time (really) but: Monday, attorneys for the Vatican will be defending themselves against a sexual abuse claim brought against them in a federal court.

“The Vatican is expected to assert that bishops aren't its employees because they aren't paid by Rome, don't act on Rome's behalf and aren't controlled day-to-day by the pope - factors courts use to determine whether employers are liable for the actions of their employees, (The Vatican's U.S. attorney, Jeffrey) Lena told the AP.
He said he would suggest to the court that it should avoid using the religious nature of the relationship between bishops and the pope as a basis for civil liability because it entangles the court in an analysis of religious doctrine that dates back to the apostles.” - Associated press

THESE FUCKING GUYS!

ACCURATE CPR INSTRUCTIONS

2010-05-15T21:33:00.001-04:00

Can you believe this video? Don’t they know that the American Heart Association put out a report, way back in 2008, recommending that people NOT use mouth-to-mouth while administering CPR. The AHA found that uninterrupted hands-only CPR (100 compressions a minute) works just as well as the standard CPR for adults experiencing sudden cardiac arrest. If you want accurate instructions for CPR, I suggest this website instead. It’s much better, with text only - no annoying pictures.

BP & KATRINA – A COMPARISON MADE BY MEATHEADS

2010-05-10T07:52:00.002-04:00

There is this episode of “All in the Family” where both Archie and Michael each tell their version of an event that had just occurred. It is quickly proven that Archie’s version of the story is a complete fabrication but then it is pointed out that Michael’s version is also wrong. Gloria says to Michael, “You’re as bad as my father.” At which point Archie bursts into laughter “Ha, hear that Meathead, you’re as bad as I am!” For those of you who are too young to know what “All in the Family” is (I hate you) the joke is this: Without knowing it, Archie just made fun of himself.

The conservative news outlets are saying this oil spill is Barack Obama’s Katrina. What does this mean?
Are conservatives saying Obama is handling this disaster as badly as President Bush handled Katrina? If that is the case, isn’t the conservative media admitting that it’s been lying by saying that the response to Katrina wasn’t George Bush’s fault; that contrary to what they have been saying, Bush actually DID do a crappy job. Doesn’t this means that the apologies Fox and their ilk have been peddling, for the last five years, in relation to Katrina, have all been lies?
Or is the conservative media saying that just like Bush, Barack Obama is doing the best he can with what is, admittedly, a bad situation and, like Bush, Obama is being unfairly criticized by main stream the media.
Conservatives, can you please clarify this for me.

WALKING ON WATER

2010-05-07T22:11:00.003-04:00

Who would have thought that all you have to do is use water repellant shoes.

PSYCHIC COWS

2010-05-05T23:21:00.003-04:00

Let me spin a fantastic yarn, one in which nature uses all the benefits ESP and telekinesis would offer, if either really did exist. I would like to take you on a trip to another planet. Strap yourselves in. We are traveling to the planet of Dubious 4.

As our space ship glides over the planets surface, we see a large variety of species. There are the grazers, big fat cow like animals, barely aware of their own existence, yet with a highly evolved sense of ESP. These animals do nothing all day but chew cud and scan the surrounding area with their psychic ability. The moment these “psychic cows” senses a predator they just nonchalantly walk in the other direction. It is the perfect defense, and herds of these beasts cover the plains like the buffalo.

The big thing you'll notice about this planet is that although there are many species visible, there doesn’t seem to be a lot of movement. On this planet, animals aren’t running around chasing each other. Why should they? A cheetah expends a lot of calories running down a gazelle. These animals don’t have to go to all that trouble. On Dubious, it’s not about speed; it’s about power.

There are large numbers of predators. They use their abilities to move things with their minds. They get within range of their prey then use their telekinesis to pick up a nearby rock or tree branch and whack their future meal over the head. Because of this, most the animals on this planet have a strong aversion to standing under trees.

You will also notice that most animals on this planet are large, Volkswagen size and up, is the norm here. This is another defensive evolutionary trait. You see if an animal is small, like a mouse or rabbit, a predator doesn’t have to drop a rock on it to kill it. The predator simply uses its telekinetic ability to pick the little animal up and float that helpless creature though the air straight into the predators waiting jaws. To see one of these killers eat, is like watching Cease, surrounded by slave girls, tossing grapes into his mouth.

There are animals that project false images into the minds of their victims to confuse them before attacking. And there is a beast that directs large pulses of energy (psychic blasts) that can disable its prey from a hundred yards. There is even an animal that uses its mind to reach into the chest of its victim and stop its heart. The wolf like pack hunters on this planet are particularly efficient. With the ability to communicate psychically, the circle they create, to surround their victims, is nearly mathematical in its precision.

Now don’t think there is no defense for all these mind attacks. There are a number of animals that have developed countermeasures. Sure why not? I’m making this all up anyway. There are animals, looking like plated rhinos, that have evolved craniums composed mostly of lead to protect them from detection by other predators. I think lead stops ESP, or is that kryptonite? And, there is an animal that protects itself from attackers by projecting a psychic dampening shield all around itself, much the way Skeptics on Earth do when near Uri Geller.

With all this ESP energy flying about, plants have even gotten into the act. There are many species of fern that absorb loose ESP waves and convert them directly to food the same way plants on earth convert light. One species of lichen actually grows on the heads of the rhino beasts. Why let all that tasty ESP energy go to waste?

But by far the most ghoulish of all the animals on Dubious 4 is the feared Premonition Squirrel. Whoa be the traveler who, taking a pleasant stroll on this strange planet, spots the dreaded Premonition Squirrel. These small creatures do not get their food by causing any harm to other creatures. They are not predators. Premonition Squirrels are technically nothing more than scavengers. They just happen to know beforehand when a fellow animal is going to drop dead. One minute you could be taking a walk, thinking “what a beautiful day.” And “Hey look at those squirrels over there. My, they look rather somber, don’t they?” The next minute, POW, heart attack! And honestly, the squirrels didn’t have anything to do with it. They just know the right place to be at the right time. And there is nothing you can do about it. If you see them, as sure as shooting, it means there is something bad heading your way. Be it a nasty fall, sudden case of old age, or giant meteorite, whatever it is. You’re a goner. Once you’re dead then they scurry in. They can strip a carcass to the bone in under two minutes.

Now, why describe all these fantastic creatures? Because nothing like them exists, on earth. Not even remotely, and that’s the point. If ESP was real, nature would be taking full advantage of this ability. Like the nine thousand different species of birds that have all evolved to exploit the gift of flight, or the forty thousand different species of fish that breathe under the sea, there should be a huge variety of ESP animals. Hell, there are thirty seven thousand different types of spiders alone. Of course there would be no Premonition Squirrels, but there would be something like them. There would be some percentage of animals that would use ESP to its fullest potential. And that number would be huge. ESP and telekinesis is such a powerful tool. Animals would be exploiting it right and left, but we see none of this. Why? Because ESP does not exist! It’s imaginary. End of story.

EVERYONE DRAW MUHAMMAD DAY

2010-05-01T17:05:00.005-04:00

May 20^th is “Everyone Draw Muhammad Day.” (EDMD) The idea started showing up on the internet ,after an implied threat by a radical Islamic website, became public, targeting Trey Parker and Matt Stone, the creators of the TV show “South Park.” Recently they had committed “blaspheme” by portraying the prophet Muhammad in their cartoon. To be clear,Trey and Matt did not show an image of Muhammad (which is strictly forbidden in Islamic law). Instead, they portrayed the prophet “disguised” in a bear suit, like a mascot at a sporting event. I have to hand it to them. Sometimes those guys are pure geniuses. The Radical Islamic website didn’t see it that way. They warned the “South Park Producers” that they would probably suffer the same fate as the filmmaker, Theo Van Gogh, who was murdered in 2004.
You probably have heard this story by now, but here are a couple of interesting takes on the whole thing. First, many of the news segments reporting this story include the video clip of the bear – you know the one with Muhammad inside. (Shhh. It’s secretly ironic.)
The second observation is, that in a way, this media story helps us see what each news organization thinks about the subject of free speech. They either understand that this story is important or they don’t. I made a very, very informal survey to see which news media were covering the story and which were not. On April 28 2010, I simple went to each media outlet’s main web page and typed in “Everyone Draw Muhammad Day,” in the search bar. Here are the results along with my analysis. I freely acknowledge ,that my interpretations, more closely resemble me looking at a Rorschach Test then a legitimate analyst, but here it goes anyway.

ABC, CBS, CNN and USA today, returned no results, not even covering the original threat. I guess the issue of free speech is not as important as that story about “American Idol wannabees.” (Those kids are so spunky).

Fox News reported the threat posed by the website. Sure, the idea of fanatical blood thirsty Muslins fit perfectly into their narrative. But Fox made no mention of EDMD. What’s wrong? Does the story of a group of patriots fighting for their constitutional rights only work if those patriots are members of the Tea Party?
The New York Times had an Op-Ed about the threat, including a thorough background history of all the cartoonists killing history. Of course, the New York readers came through in the response commentary with numerous mentions of EDMD. (Radical Muslims are Fuckin’ Jaggoffs!)
NPR intellectually discussed the many facets of the controversy, including EDMD, between sips of what I imagine was a full bodied yet brash pinot noir.
The Washington Post had an article, which actually included the "controversial" EDMD poster. (which showed inanimate objects like a cup of coffee and a box of spaghetti asking “am I Muhammad?”). I guess they still have one or two crusty old reporter left over from Watergate days who have nothing but contempt for any form of authority.
Lastly the anarchists at MSNBC had 4 reports exclusively on EDMD alone. Those radical liberals, with their crazy “Free Speech” and their “Rock and Roll,” God love ‘em.

WHY, RATIONAL CRANK, WHY?

2010-04-27T22:42:00.004-04:00

Why is my blog called the Rational Crank? I admit that I can get quite cranky sometimes, especially since I wake up every morning to my cats butt in my face. “That’s because he loves his Dad,” my wife always says.

"That's why Daddy drinks." I respond

But my title does not refer to that kind of crank. I am using the definition of crank that means “crackpot.” You know, the guy with tinfoil on, not only the top of his head, but also tucked under his armpits for added protection; the guy who has named each of his fingernails; the guy who thinks that people from the department of education are breaking into his house while he’s away, and replace all of the forks in his kitchen with slightly shorter forks. I’m referring to myself as the kind of crank that is way out of the social norm, a misfit, an oddball, a fruitcake, a moon bat. And you know what? If you’re a regular reader of this blog you’re probably a crank too. (Oh, now that’s a good way to get more readers, Nick, insult them.) Before you click over to Facebook to check if someone has sent you vegetables in Farmville, let me explain why I think you’re probably a crank also. Here are some fun facts:

Only half of Americans know how long it takes the Earth to revolve around the sun. A third of Americans think evolution isn’t real. A majority of Americans think that the devil is real. A majority of Americans believe in guardian angels. A third of Americans believe in haunted houses. Most people don’t know that their federal taxes went down last year under the Obama administration. A full third of Americans think that the US government was involved with 9-11. And the scariest fact of all, “Avatar” has an 82% approval rating on Rotten Tomatoes.

I’m going to paraphrase a quote that I once heard. “When the world is filled with crazy people the rational people are considered the nuts.” I remember hearing something like that or reading it someplace from someone really smart. Whoever that person is (or was), and contingent on whether they did indeed say that (or something similar) I would like to shake his or her hand. (If of course that is their real name)

What I am trying to say is this. WE ( you and I ) are the outsiders. We are the nuts. We are the space jockeys. We’re the cranks. And we’re outnumbered, you and I. The people who will believe anything and who refuse to analyze other people’s ideas let alone their own – they are everywhere. They are our politicians. They are reporting the news. They are teaching our kids. They are all around us, and they are getting louder. Fox News is the highest rated “news” channel in the US. Save us baby Jesus!

So if having basic knowledge of science is strange and embracing reason and logic over myth and superstition is weird then so be it. Be proud of your oddball-ness. The other side is way too vocal. It’s our turn to start being heard. The next time someone says something that you think is wrong like “all panda bears hate cake” question them. Don’t be shy. If someone offers a statistic that doesn’t sound right like, “Honduras produces three times more feral children than any other country,” ask him where he got that statistic. Be brave. Don’t let them get away with it. It’s more important than ever. The nonsense is enveloping us all. It’s up to you. The world needs us. Become a crank, like me, and be proud.

FOR ALL MY NEW FRIENDS

2010-04-18T20:50:00.001-04:00

I wrote the article below for the magazine The Humanist. It appeared in their July/August 2009 issue. I thought I would post it now because I have a lot of new visitors. You can all see how geeky I really am. I hope you enjoy it.

STAR TREK MADE ME AN ATHEIST

2010-04-18T20:22:00.004-04:00

Growing up, my parents were very strict. On Friday nights I had to be in bed by 10 pm. My mother would tuck me in, turn off the light, and close the door. I would lie under the covers until I heard her settled back into the living room. Then I would slide out of bed, tiptoe to the door, and quietly turn the lock. I knew what I was about to do was wrong and I was embarrassed and worried that my parents might walk in on me. Still, I couldn’t help myself. I snuck over to the other side of the room and switched on the black-and-white TV. So as not to be discovered I would turn the volume down as low as it would go and press my ear up to the tiny speaker. It was Friday evening in 1967, and I would tune in to NBC to watch my favorite television show, Star Trek.

[Warning: the following article is overflowing with geekiness. Further reading could result in unnaturally splayed fingers, pointed ears, or any manner of themed costuming.]

I was in line the other day waiting to see the new Star Trek movie and it got me thinking about the good old days of science fiction films. Back then special effects looked cheap, and it was always hit or miss as to whether they would work. More often than not a pie tin hanging from a string to simulate a flying saucer looked, well, like a pie tin hanging from a string. So the people who filmed science fiction (otherwise known as sci-fi or SF) couldn’t rely on computer-generated eye candy to keep audiences awake. Instead they had to rely on something completely different—good writing.

There were a number of things that drew me to the Star Trek TV series, not the least of which were the short skirts on the female crew members. And of course there were the characters... mainly Spock. Although Captain James T. Kirk was obviously the star of the show, for me Spock was the real center of the Star Trek universe. Leonard Nimoy’s pointy-eared alien made a big impression on me. Week after week no matter how many times he was chastised, harassed, or ridiculed, this level-headed alien would continue espousing reason and logic above everything else. And the really amazing thing about it was that, week after week, he was always proven right.

To be fair, Shatner’s Kirk was interesting also. Not because of that amazing dropkick that he seemed to work into every episode but because of the pride he brought to his character. He not only had pride in his ship, and his mission but, because this was outer space, he also projected a pride in his species, in being a human being.

Now science fiction movies are mostly just shoot-‘em-ups, but back in the day sci-fi was a medium to explore social issues. SF allowed us to examine the core elements of controversial issues without all the emotional baggage that went along with them. It’s easy to dismiss the genre when you have grown-up fans walking around in costumes and silver make-up, but SF employs disarming tools to tease core arguments from their tired rhetoric. Here pundits, smoke screens, and slogans are stripped away and we see a subject as though for the first time. We get to test whether the rules we create to guide our lives work in any world or are just arbitrary constructs. And back in the late 1960s, no science fiction did this better then Gene Roddenberry’s Star Trek, TOS (that’s “the original series” for those who actually dated in high school.)
Take the issue of Vietnam. It's an understatement to say that back then it was hard for people to look at the Vietnam war objectively; on one side you had Jane Fonda, on the other Richard Nixon. (I don’t know about you but when I was a young boy, images of both of them used to get my blood pumping, albeit in completely different ways.) Put the issue on an alien planet and set up the plot so the Klingons are arming one side, the Federation the other, and an innocent, naïve alien species is in the middle. It becomes easy to see that simply arming both sides to the teeth is not the answer.

Consider too how complicated the subject of race relations was four decades ago. Star Trek simplified it for me. When a conflict between black-and-white striped aliens erupts onto the bridge of the Enterprise the absurdity of racism is dramatically illustrated. At the end of the episode, it’s revealed that the only reason these two “races” so vehemently hate each other is because one of them is black on the right side and the other black on the left. Sure it’s silly, but in a time when laws were still on the books in the United States preventing interracial couples from marrying, you couldn’t blame the writers of Star Trek for being heavy handed.

On the subject of faith, Trek had a very clear position. Of everything in my past, it is this one show that I most credit for being able to identify myself as an atheist. There was a recurring plotline in so many episodes that it almost became a running theme—some all-powerful being would set itself up as God but would eventually turn out to be nothing more than an advanced alien or megalomaniacal computer. As a little kid watching episodes like “Return of the Archons” and “The Apple,” I learned that it wasn't enough to have faith in something just because everyone else around you did. I learned there might be truths outside one’s own society—heavy stuff for a seven-year-old.

In an episode called “The Squire of Gothos,” actor William Campbell played one of these all-powerful beings. Even though his powers were limitless he was the bad guy. In other words, all-powerful did not automatically equal all good. Captain Kirk decides to oppose this being, even though the alien seems unstoppable. In the end this superbeing turns out to be nothing more than a child, and his parents show up just in time to put an end to his antics. Now consider the message: it doesn’t matter if you are all powerful. If you’re doing something wrong, you’re doing something wrong, and should be opposed. No matter what the consequence. Wow. This wasn't what I was being taught in my catechism classes.

And so as a boy I found it increasingly hard to understand why Christians weren’t acting the way Kirk and Spock were. If there was a God, some being causing earthquakes and hurling hurricanes, why wouldn’t Christians (or Jews or Muslims for that matter) fight against such a being? What I was learning on Star Trek seemed more moral to me than what I was learning in church. As I got older and learned more about suffering around the world, the more I wondered why religious people didn’t oppose such a cruel God. These holy men should be up in arms, I thought. If they were faithful Star Trek watchers, they would be trying to build some sort of giant phaser to take him out.

And even at seven I was smart enough to know that God doesn’t get a pass by saying he didn’t cause the terrible things that were happening in the world. If you can stop something from happening and you choose not to, it’s as bad as causing it. (I learned that from my mom when I sat watching my dog eat an entire pan of lasagna off the kitchen counter while my family was all in the other room.) Why were priests and rabbis afraid, I'd wonder, just because this “God” of theirs was powerful? Didn't religious people think someplace out in the vastness of the universe there might be a mommy and daddy god having a much needed night on the town, destined to return at the last minute to whisk away this naughty child calling himself god with a capital G and return the world to its normal conditions?

One of my favorite episodes of the original Star Trek was called, “Who Mourns for Adonis?” In it we discover that the Olympians of Greek mythology were actually alien space travelers mistaken for gods by the simple shepherds and tribesman living in the Mediterranean around 3000 BCE. Considering that Erich von Däniken’s Chariots of the Gods? hadn’t been published yet, this was mind blowing enough for me.
Far out in space, the crew of the Enterprise stumbles on the last of these advanced aliens. Lonely and temperamental, Apollo is the personification of an ancient god, loving one second, vengeful the next. At first this immortal being offers the Enterprise crew everything they could possibly want. He creates paradise for them on his planet. In return he asks that the crew stay on the planet and worship him for the rest of their lives—a few burnt offerings once in a while, that’s all. If they do this they get Eden. If they don’t, Apollo will crush their ship like a tin can. (That’s a god for you.)

Brawny actor Michael Forest was well cast as Apollo. It’s interesting that he chose to play this all-powerful being with a slight air of befuddlement, as though Apollo—revered as a supreme being 5,000 years ago—is incapable of understanding this twenty-third century breed of human.

But the character who most caught my eye was Lieutenant Palamas, an anthropologist played by Leslie Parrish who finds herself strongly drawn to this mythological god. The main struggle in this episode isn’t really between a Greek god and the crew of the Enterprise, but rather between Kirk and Palamas. It’s the conversations between the two of them, eerily similar to dialogs I was having with my own Christian school mates, that I found most engaging:

(PALAMAS)
I have a message for you…He wants us to live in peace. He wants to provide for us. He’ll give us everything we ever wanted.

(KIRK)
…Accept him and you condemn all of us to slavery…nothing less than slavery…Or perhaps the thought of spending an eternity bending knee and attending sheep appeals to you?
It’s the classic contrast between people who are willing to give up everything, even their own freedom, to be taken care of, verses people who think freedom is the most important thing there is. Kirk explains to Palamas that he has a plan to get them off the planet but it involves her betraying Apollo and turning her back on this alien with whom she has become infatuated. Palamas asks how she could even consider doing such a thing. That’s when Kirk delivers one of those powerful monologues that defined the series:

(KIRK)
Give me your hand…we’re the same. We share the same history, the same heritage, the same lives. We’re tied together beyond any untying. Man or woman, it makes no difference, we’re human. We couldn’t escape from each other even if we wanted to. That’s how you do it, lieutenant, by remembering who and what you are: a bit of flesh and blood afloat in a universe without end. And the only thing that’s truly yours is the rest of humanity. That’s where our duty lies!

That really stuck with me, the idea that in this world, we—all of us—have to help each other because as specks afloat in the universe all we have is each other. And smack dab in the middle of that speech is the wonderfully egalitarian line “we’re human,” read with pride and that distinctive Shatner punch.
In the end, with Palamas’s help, the crew defeats Apollo and escapes. The next morning I thought about that episode. When you change it from a god with a small g to the God with a capital G it’s easy to see the meaning: better a free man in hell then a slave in heaven. Not only didn’t I have to trudge through Milton’s Paradise Lost to get that message but I got to watch attractive women in togas that looked like they would fall off at any moment. Star Trek was good.

When the show was canceled I was disappointed and when the first movie came along I was disappointed again. Then came TNG (that’s Star Trek, The Next Generation for those who dated in college). This time it was the Data character (played by Brent Spiner) who got me hooked. Here was an android, this super being, and he wanted to be human—with all our frailties and foibles. It was Roddenberry at the top of his game, giving us a logic machine that concluded it was logical to strive to achieve something it knew it could never achieve. Talk about a symbol for humanity. Aren’t we all at our best when we're striving for unattainable goals, knowing that it is the act of striving that makes us better people?

On top of this, TNG featured Captain Jean-Luc Picard (played by Patrick Stewart) who possessed an absolutely clear moral compass despite the absence of any religious beliefs whatsoever. While that series was running there wasn’t a week that went by that I didn’t ask myself, “WWPD?” (What would Picard do?)
The new series even had a semi-regular all-powerful being. John de Lancie mastered the mischievous and often malevolent character “Q” in many episodes, and in each, humanity’s relationship with omnipotence was explored in new and different ways. This relationship was complicated, and subtle. It was not a parent-child relationship. There was no worshiping and devotion, and certainly no blind faith.

Roddenberry and Star Trek were back, tackling other big issues like homosexuality and gender, how we treated our Vietnam vets, substance abuse and the responsibility of the enabler, even the meaning of reality itself. TNG even chimed in on abortion. In the episode “The Child,” one of the crew members is impregnated with an alien child without her permission. The conference room is abuzz with discussion as to whether the unborn alien should be aborted or not. Opinions on the situation are flying left and right. Everyone is arguing a position, until the pregnant crew member quietly announces she's keeping the child. At that moment the conversations all end because the person carrying the unborn child has made her choice.

What the religious right should have been doing all these years is watching more Star Trek. I’d recommend every episode of TOS and TNG with a small smattering of Voyager. Don’t bother with Deep Space 9; they went soft on religion. Enterprise is also pretty good and not just because of Jolene Blalok, playing the sexy Vulcan. (I have a thing for women with pointy ears. Is that weird? My wife thinks so. And, again, for those with active social lives who had no idea there were this many iterations of Star Trek this all probably falls under the category of “too much information.”) Enterprise really tried hard to put humanism back in the show, to explore what it means to be a member of a strange species.

Unfortunately, by the time Enterprise came along the franchise was showing its age. Scripts were becoming predictable (I mean even more predictable then the usual predictable scripts). And Trek’s own history was starting to choke its plot lines. Writers had to keep checking to make sure they weren't contradicting something that happened in, say, episode 42 of the third season of DS9. The franchise was dying quickly and in the tenth movie, Nemesis, Picard’s evil twin finally killed it. It was a box office flop.

This brings us to the new movie, released in May of this year. I have to admit I was wary. For one, the director tapped to resurrect Star Trek, J.J. Abrams, wasn’t known for issue-driven stories. And what the franchise needed was a reboot. But how do you re-imagine a show whose fans consider every previous manifestation of it to be sacred text? In addition how do you reintroduce Star Trek’s idealism to a new audience, one that is jaded by dark knights and chainsaw-wielding villains?

This film takes place while young Kirk and Spock are still in the Starfleet Academy. All the actors selected to portray the young versions of the original Enterprise crew do a great job. Chris Pine is sufficiently hammy enough as Kirk to fill the shoes of that magnificent paradigm of manhood William Shatner. Karl Urban is spot on as the cranky Dr. McCoy, giving a cantankerous voice to humanity’s emotional side. And Zachary Quinto skillfully dons the pointy ears, perhaps “out-Spocking” Nimoy himself. His performance is enhanced by the fact that in this Star Trek, Vulcans achieve their wholly logical minds not because they are void of emotion but because they have chosen to control their emotions.

[SPOILER ALERT: if you haven’t seen the movie yet, the following paragraphs contain specific plot details.] The movie begins with a catastrophic event described by one of the film’s writers, Alex Kurtzman (along with Roberto Orci), as the movie’s 9-11. The disaster inadvertently sends the main villain, an evil Romulan named Nero (played by Eric Bana), into the past. There Nero kills Kirk’s father just after Kirk is born, inadvertently changing history and thereby presenting us with an alternate timeline for the entire Trek franchise.

Thematically the film is all about choices. Over and over, characters are faced with making choices that will not only shape the direction of their own lives but also the direction of the entire world around them. For Kirk the moment of truth comes after losing a particularly nasty bar fight. He is given a choice to continue on the self-destructive path his life has taken as a result of his father’s death, or make something of himself by joining the Starfleet. For Spock it’s the moment he must choose between the Starfleet or the Vulcan Science Academy, where he is told he’s been accepted despite the handicap of being half human. In another instance cadet Kirk is presented with a computer simulation that doesn’t allow for the opportunity to win. Confronted with this no-win scenario, Kirk chooses to reprogram the computers thereby giving him the choice of victory. At the climax of the film, even the bad guy Nero is given the option of being saved by the Enterprise or being crushed to death in a black hole. (You probably have a problem when you can’t see a clear choice there.) So, in the end it is the individuals who weigh the options, who deny fate, and take control of their own destiny who come out ahead. Those who are slaves to the past get crushed in black holes.

The neat thing about this theme is that it’s exactly the gift director Abrams has given to himself. By creating a story in which all the future events of the Trek universe have been wiped away, he can now make the future of Star Trek whatever he wants. Just like the characters in his film, Abrams has gone into the past and changed history. And the message we can take from this is that despite all the disasters and all the incorrect choices we make directly after catastrophic events, we are not controlled by history. We can change direction (I’m talking to you, George W. Bush). We can improve our chances.
In short, this might not be the most cerebral Star Trek ever written but it has re-energized the franchise and presented us hope for the future.

When you first watch Star Trek it’s this campy sci-fi show that occasionally takes some not-so-subtle potshots at religion. At a very young age it made me question the nature of God even to the point of questioning his (her or its) very existence. And it showed me that those questions were okay to pose, that there were other people out there like me, asking the same questions. But then Roddenberry’s campy little show goes so much farther. It explores what it means to be human. It is a message of hope for the future of our species and an expression of pride in all of humanity. Through it, I learned that although people aren’t perfect, it is that striving to be better (the voyage) that makes us special. The show helped me realize that I control my own future—me, a speck in the universe. I began to understand that each and every person possesses potential, that within all of us there is the seed of greatness waiting to be nurtured, and that someday we may each be able to tap into that potential greatness, that…humanity. (I hope you read that last line the way Shatner would have.)

Jor-El tries to save the planet

2010-04-11T22:03:00.001-04:00

Some things turn out to have much more meaning then ever originally intended.

This came from TED Talks which is a collection of great lectures by really, really smart people.

ARE YOU A MARTIAN?

2010-04-05T22:43:00.001-04:00

While you look at these pictures of Mars and others from Presidia Creative think about the following: Liquid water and Methane have been detected on that planet. We all know why water is important but what’s so great about methane? With very few exceptions, methane is a byproduct of life. Granted it’s probably only bacterial but that’s still cool because life someplace else could answer a big question about life here.

You see the funny thing about life here is that it’s all the same. That is to say, all life uses the same building blocks, the same proteins, the same DNA base pairs, etc. It doesn’t have to. It could have been anything, even that silicon pizza Horta from Star Trek. Who knows what bacteria on The Red Planet are like? Or stranger still, what if the bacteria on Mars has the same type of chemistry as everything here? That would mean that meteors caring life from Mars seeded this planet. We could all be Martians.

Either way, we need to be sending more rovers to Mars

“Ok, then it’s agreed. We can build a rocket and all get the hell out of here before any of the problems start.”

2010-03-30T21:25:00.006-04:00

Each of the people in this picture has accomplished more for humanity then any of the guys in that other painting. From left to right they are:
Galileo Galilei – Physicist, Mathematician, Astronomer Extraordinaire, and Champion of the Copernican Theory, through which man gets a clear view of where he or she stands in the universe. Using observations of the moons of Jupiter and phases of Venus, Galileo offered evidence that the Earth revolved around the Sun. He was the first to observe sun spots, the rings of Saturn, and mountains on the moon. Steven Hawking said, "Galileo, perhaps more than any other single person, was responsible for the birth of modern science." It wasn’t until 1992 that Pope John Paul II admitted that the church’s ruling against Galileo might have been a mistake.
Marie Skłodowska Curie – Physicist, Chemist, she was the first person honored with 2 Nobel Prizes; one for her pioneering work in the field of radioactivity, the other in chemistry. She created the Theory of Radioactivity, developed techniques for isolating isotopes, and discovered two new elements. During WWI Curie developed the innovation of X-rays to help surgeons locate and remove bullets on the battlefield. Even with all those accomplishments it’s hard to find a picture of her smiling.

J. Robert Oppenheimer – Physicist, Scientific Director of the Manhattan Project. Although he is known as the “father of the atomic bomb,” it is important to remember that it was the use of that weapon during WWII which shortened the war by years, saving countless lives in the process. After the war Oppenheimer became an outspoken proponent of nuclear nonproliferation. Because of that his security clearance was revoked and he was blacklisted by the McCarthy crowd.
Sir Isaac Newton - Physicist, considered by many to be one of the most influential people in history, Newton, discovered the Law of Gravity and the Three Laws of Motion. He built the first reflecting telescope, co-developed calculus, and developed a theory of color, based on the observation that white light can be broken down into primary colors. Is that enough!
Louis Pasteur – Chemist and Microbiologist, his work led to breakthroughs in fighting or preventing diseases such as anthrax, chicken cholera, and silkworm diseases. He created the first vaccine for rabies and his experiments supplied observable evidence for Germ Theory. He is regarded as one of the founders of microbiology and his process of Pasteurization gave us all something to wash down our Oreos with.
Stephen Hawking - Theoretical Physicist, he is known for his contributions to the fields of cosmology and quantum gravity, Author of A Brief History of Time and, until 2009, Professor of Mathematics at the University of Cambridge. Hawking calculated that black holes, far from being undetectable, create and emit x-rays, known today as Hawking Radiation, until they exhaust their energy and eventually evaporate. He also did a lot of other quantum physics stuff that is hard to understand. Look it up on Wikipedia.
Albert Einstein – Besides owning a chain of bagel stores, Einstein was a Theoretical Physicist. His contributions include Special Theory of Relativity which proposed that all motion is relative and that there is no absolute state of rest. In addition, he formulated his General Theory of Relativity which described gravity not as a force but as a curvature of space/time. For his many contributions Einstein received a Nobel Prize. His groundbreaking work laid the foundation for modern Quantum Physics and to this day his hair style still sets the standard for all other scientists.
Carl Sagan – Coming in at number two for great hair, Sagan was an Astronomer and Astrochemist. Although his scientific achievements focus on the chemical composition of planets in our solar system he is best known for his popularization of science. He is co-writer of the television series, Cosmos, the most widely watched PBS program in history. His other books include Pale Blue Dot, Contact, and The Demon Haunted World (do yourself a favor and read that one).
Thomas Edison – Inventor, Businessman, and “Wizard of Menlo Park.” He was the first to apply modern production techniques to the process of inventing. With 1,093 patents his inventions include, the phonograph, the motion picture camera, the universal stock ticker, scotch tape, the wireless telegraph for communicating with ships at sea, alkaline batteries, the Dictaphone, and the electric train. Did I leave anything out?
Aristotle – Greek Philosopher, known as the father of science, his writings contain the first known formal study of logic. Unlike his teacher, Plato, Aristotle emphasized the physical world not the heavens. He felt knowledge could be gained by studying the observable universe. His branch of philosophy with its emphasis on examining nature led to the birth of physics, biology, medicine, and nearly all the other natural sciences. HE INVENTED LOGIC FOR GOD’S SAKE.
Dr. Neil deGrasse Tyson – Astrophysicist and Director of the Hayden Planetarium, Tyson is a bestselling author and great popularizer of science, appearing on scores of TV and radio shows. In 2004 he hosted the miniseries Origins on PBS. He has been awarded the NASA Distinguished Public Service Medal, the highest honor a civilian can receive from the agency. He is presently the host of Nova Science Now and is the snappiest dresser of all the scientists depicted here.
Richard Dawkins- Evolutionary Biologist, formally Professor for Public Understanding of Science at Oxford, Dawkins popularized and advanced our understanding of evolution though his books The Selfish Gene, and The Extended Phenotype. He is also one of the leading proponents of science and rationalism, and has personally chewed up and spit out creationists and intelligent design proponents through numerous essays, debates and his book The God Delusion.
Charles Darwin – One of the four giants on this page, (the other three being Galileo, Newton and Einstein) Darwin discovered the mechanism by which evolution occurs, namely natural selection. Because of him, we know the fact that all species of life on earth have evolved over time from common ancestors. Nothing in biology makes sense except in the light of evolution.

...And there you have it. Now, considering science usually has to drag religion kicking and screaming into the 21^st century what exactly did those guys in that other picture do? Oh yeah, they caused a lot of wars.

WHO IS SIMON SINGH AND WHY THE FUCK SHOULD YOU CARE

2010-03-22T21:19:00.003-04:00

First I’ll ask you to curb your language. This blog is read by the fairer sex. Now, I’ll tell you about Simon Singh, a science writer working in the UK. In 2008 he penned an article, which pointed out that on their websites many chiropractors advertise spine manipulation to treat ear infections in children. Since there are no legitimate studies showing manipulating a child’s back can cure ear infections, Singh called this treatment bogus. Because of that statement he is being sued for libel by the British Chiropractic Association (BCA). Libel laws in the UK are very different then they are here. Over there, if you are sued for libel, it is up to you to prove that you are right. To clarify, it is NOT up to the BCA to prove their claim that a back massage can cure infection. It is up to Singh to prove them wrong.

So why the fuck should you care? (Please, language. I hope you don’t kiss your mother with that mouth.) Here is the amazing thing. You don’t have to be a British citizen, or even be talking about a British citizen, to be sued for libel in the UK. All that has to happen is that someone in the UK reads something that you write. It doesn’t have to be some snappy letter to the editor in the New York Times. It could be some offhand remark that you make on you blog, here, about your pets health, (my cats bowel movements looks like Dick Chaney) or some rant that you twitter to your girlfriend about that guy you went on a date with last night (I’m never going to dinner with Dick Chaney again. He’s an asshole.) All that has to happen, is that someone across the pond reads it. And BAM…you could be wearing a new libel suit.

So if you were to say - "Sarah Palin is a mentally challenged cheerleader whose supporters are all inbred hillbillies. They are only drawn to her through some S&M librarian fetish which they can’t fulfill because of an inability to master the internet to satisfy themselves." – You could be sued for libel.

Or if you were to say - "Rush Limbaugh’s recent outbursts in which he declared, on numerous of occasions, that he was not going to bend over, grab his ankles and happily take it from the Obama administration, was clearly an unconscious expression of a secret desire to be sodomized by a strong but gentle African American male." - You could be sued for libel.

Or if you were to say – "Bill O’Reilly was nothing more than an overbearing bully who is obviously overcompensating for the documented fact that he was born with a single cheese doodle where his genitalia should have been. And that’s all I have to say about that." – You could be sued for libel.

And if I, myself, were to say promoting chiropractics for ear infections in children is dangerous because it might persuade some parents to postpone real treatments thereby leading to more serious conditions. It’s cruel, because the brutal stabbing pain kids experience could easily be cured with simple antibiotics. It’s crazy, because there is no scientifically based mechanism as to why moving around the backbone would have anything to do with curing an infection. Not to mention that bending and manipulating the spine of a young child whose bones are not yet fully formed sounds, to me, just plain stupid. – I could be sued for libel. But what do I know. I’m not a doctor. Oh wait, nether are chiropractors, not real doctors anyway.

Parliament is just beginning to review its libel laws in the UK and Singh’s case is in the courts right now. Good luck Simon.

YOU GOTTA LOVE EVANGELICALS

2010-03-07T20:13:00.002-05:00

These Christians are on a mission to save the world from…Klingonism…I guess? Is this really a problem?

THE RATIONAL CRANK –V- THE GIPPER

2010-03-02T22:04:00.008-05:00

I’ve been feeling guilty lately for mentioning logical fallacies without explaining what they are. (This guilt, no doubt being the reason for my drinking) So, to relieve this crushing guilt and hopefully head off the inevitable slide into alcoholism, here is a short but pithy primer on logical fallacies.

A logical fallacy is an error of reasoning. It is different from a factual error in that the person making the logical fallacy may not be wrong about their facts but instead may be wrong because of the structure of their argument itself.

Recently, as part of the effort to be both far and balanced AND oppose President Obama in anyway they can, Fox News posted a 1961speech by Ronald Reagan concerning socialized medicine. (OH NO! THIS POST IS GOING TO BE ABOUT HEALTHCARE!) I’m sorry. This speech is just too perfect for the topic at hand. It offers three great examples of common logical fallacies. I promise not to get too wonky. I’ll mostly just rag on Fox News. They’re inherently evil , so it’ll be fun.

Logical Fallacy #1 SLIPPERY SLOPE - If you can make it through the speech, basically what Ronald Reagan, wants you to know is that government run healthcare is just the tip of the iceberg in the Socialist Parties plans for world domination. If the US adopts Medicaid (this speech was made before that program existed) then the government will start taking away all our rights, and next thing you know their naming our high schools after Joseph Stalin. Ron has just offered us a great example of the classic fallacy of the “slippery slope.” It occurs when someone says if you allow A to happen then it will lead to B which will lead to C and down the line until Z. (Z being some catastrophe like the US being overrun by commies, the elderly being hunted for their fur or apes having gay sex in the streets, whatever is the most frightening.) The problem with this line of reasoning is that the arguer is assuming that A ALWAYS leads to B which ALWAYS leads to C and so on. The real world is much more complicated then that. In the real world, there is an entire spectrum of outcomes that might occur for any one particular action. Or there could be no change at all. It is actually possible to make a law without it inevitably leading to the downfall of civilization. Canada has had some form of socialized medicine since 1961 and the UK since 1948. And yet, the last time I visited both those countries I did not have to sign a paper pledging my allegiance to Chairman Mao.

Logical Fallacy #2 STRAW MAN ARGUMENT - By posting this video, Fox wants us to know that the President’s Healthcare plan is bad because socialized medicine is bad. The problem with this argument is that Obama’s plan does not propose socialized medicine in any form. Whether you like the public option or you hate it, the public option is not in the President’s plan. So, if someone opposes the plan on the grounds that socialized medicine is wrong, they are attacking a straw man. That is to saw they are attacking an ugly manifestation of their opponents argument, a version that they themselves manufactured in order to more easily attack it. (It is like beating a scary straw effigy of President Bush in the streets of Iran rather then Bush himself) This is often easier to do, then to lay out a logical reasonable response to an opponent’s true position. Laying out a logical response would involve the person actually trying to understand their opponent’s position and in the world of crappy arguing that’s something you certainly don’t want to do. If they had any integrity Republicans would be embracing President Obama’s plan since it is similar to the one proposed by Mitt Romney back at the beginning of the 2008 campaign. Remember Mitt, the guy with the talk-show-host hair who ran as a REPUBLICAN candidate for president?

Logical Fallacy #3 APPEAL TO AUTHORITY – It must be true because Ronald Reagan says so. WRONG! Quoting Authorities in a particular field when you are talking about that particular discipline can be useful. But, shoehorning some respected person into your position and then saying that your position is true BECAUSE that person said so is a classic logical fallacy. Conservatives have tried to make the Reagan Presidency into some sort of golden age where children didn’t talk back, milk flowed like honey and women walked around wearing nothing but high heels and holding martinis. You can’t blame them. The Democrats did the same with Kennedy. (Oh, Jacky Kennedy, with your little pill box hat, how I yearn for thee.) But like Kennedy, Reagan is not a god. He made plenty of mistakes and changed his mind plenty of times. Sure, he lowered taxes his first term in office but then after nearly tripling the deficit, he had to raise taxes his next term. When he made that speech, nearly 50 years ago, Healthcare costs where a pittance of a fraction of what they are now. In reality, Fox News has no idea what Reagan’s position on this particular piece of legislation would have been. Who knows, were he alive today, maybe Reagan would be supporting his good friend Mitt Romney’s plan out of a mutual admiration for beautiful hair.
You might be thinking that by talking about Reagan I’m beating a dead horse (Get it? Reagan – dead horse… What? Is it too soon?) I’m sorry. I certainly wouldn’t have even brought it up if Fox News wasn’t involved. Fox posted this speech, as though it was relevant to today’s dialog, but Reagan lived in a different era. This speech belongs to that era. The world has changed. We are not under threat of being attacked by the Soviet Union. Medicaid works and we’re not all speaking Russian. The Soviet Union is long gone and China’s got Starbucks and Kentucky Fried Chicken. Should we also be on the lookout for Anarchists and Huns? Come on Fox. This is not fair and balanced. And it’s not news. It’s nonsense. You know what? I need a drink!

2012

2010-02-25T22:29:00.004-05:00

Here is something that won’t surprise you. Sometimes I get tired of the stupid. So I’m having a good time in Mexico, when I come upon the disturbing reminder that almost half the people in the world have a below average IQ. This disturbing reminder was in the gift shops, in the national parks and on the T-shirts and its number is “2012.” I saw it in the books made for tourists with titles like “the idiots guide to 2012.” I saw it in the eyes of the poor Mexican tour guide as we stood at the base of the great Mayan lighthouse in Tulum. He patiently tried to explain for the thousandth time how the calendar worked. “No, there was no significance to the end of the cycle. The Mayan calendar just turns over and starts again, like the odometer on a car. No, the Mayans did not write any prophesies of disaster. In fact, Mayan writing refers to dates after their calendar turns over. No, you can’t stand on top of the lighthouse to have your picture taken. You’ll break your neck.” (Ok, I admit it, that last question was asked by me.)

Let me repeat that middle statement. The Mayan writing refers to dates after their calendar turns over. It’s as if you wrote appointments in your own calendar to meet friends for lunch in January of 20013 or 2014. Is that what someone does if they think the world will end in 2012? On top of all this is the sad fact that the Mayan’s couldn’t even predict the collapse of their own civilization, let alone the destruction of the entire world.

It’s just a calendar. I have some bad news for the 2012 believers. I know of a calendar that says the world will end December 31 of THIS YEAR! It’s sitting on my desk and has some cartoons of Dilbert in it. Oh pointy haired boss, when will you learn not to micromanage?

So, standing on some lower rocks waiting for my wife to snap a picture I started thinking, how can I make money from all this stupid? I’m proud to say, I’ve come up with an answer. Granted it is still in its rough stages, but let me know what you think.

For anyone who really believes that the world will end on December 12, 2012, here is a simple wager. Fifty bucks says you’re wrong. The obvious problem with a wager is that if I am wrong there is no way for 2012 believers to collect their winnings, but here is where the genius shines. I have come up with a solution. If I am wrong and the world is destroyed in 2012 I will mow you’re lawn in heaven for an epoch.

Come on, if these guys believe in 2012 they surely must also believe in heaven, right? The bible says if you go to heaven you get a mansion and you know what that means -- a lot of yard work. And I’m the guy to do it for you.

I’m serious. Send me $50. I’ll set up a special trustee bank account that I can not access until after 2012. You can send the money directly to that account. In return, I will send you a handsome certificate (suitable for framing) signed by me that states that in the event of a 2012 apocalypse, I promise to mow your lawn in heaven, (no matter what the lot size) twice a week for an entire epoch. How long is an epoch? Honestly, I don’t know but I think it’s larger than an age and smaller than a period. Come on, for fifty bucks? That’s a great deal! it's like 3 billion mowings. What the hell, I’ll even edge, (but you have to provide the mower.)

GAIA COMMITS SUICIDE

2010-02-15T09:01:00.008-05:00

Sorry, I haven’t written in a while. The wife and I just got back from our vacation in sunny Cancun. When I stepped off the plane in Orlando, I wondered if we had flown into the wrong airport. Had the plane been diverted to New York? Christ, its cold! This morning, there was frost on my car. FROST? In NY we keep a windshield scraper in the glove compartment for ice, (along with gloves imagine that). Do you know what I keep in my Florida glove compartment? Suntan lotion… also salt and lime in case I have to make an emergency margarita. I ended up scraping the ice off my windshield with a Cracker Barrel gift card that I found in my wallet. It worked out, because I certainly had no intention of ever eating at the Cracker Barrel.
This is the coldest winter I can remember, and I live in a state wear Hawaiian shirts are mandatory. I don't know how it works in other places but here in Orlando we are constantly being pulled over by the Florida Highway Patrol for shirt flower density checks. This is why we are particularly aware when temperatures dare to dip below 80.
So, what happened to global warming? Come on Nick, explain this one. After all, you are the Rational Crank. Or, as a relative said recently, maybe we should start calling you the Irrational Crank. (Yah, a regular Don Rickles, that one is)
So what IS up with global warming? Friday, Fox News reported that it was the first time it had snowed in every state in the union since 1976. What they didn’t report is the record high temperatures in Alaska and Washington State the week before. They also didn’t mention the record-breaking temperatures in New Zealand or that Australia experienced its second hottest year in history (2005 being the hottest).
Small highs and lows are not what are important. What’s important is the larger overarching trend. The graph is not going to be a straight arrow up. It’s going to be a saw tooth. This cold snap doesn’t mean a thing. “Weather” is not “climate.” “Weather” is what happens in your town today and tomorrow. “Climate” is what happens to the planet over years. John Stewart said it best when he showed a graph that indicated the average temperature in the US had steadily been going down since October. It’s called winter folks.
If anything, this weather might even be a product of the coming Climate Change. A few scientists are saying that this cold is a result of a breakdown of Arctic Oscillation, a current that keeps the cold trapped in the North Pole. Once this current is disrupted, the cold air dissipates throughout the rest of the planet. It’s like being outside and opening the door to your air conditioned house. Sure it’s cool at first but if you keep the door open eventually the house gets hot.
The other thing that might be happening is that a hotter planet means more moisture in the air which, in the short term, will mean more snow for some areas.
Conservatives are using this weather for political gain. Sen. Jim DeMint (R-S.C.) wrote that “it’s going to keep snowing in D.C. until Al Gore cries ‘uncle.’” And Sara Palin called evidence of global warming a "bunch of snake oil science." Read more:
The real shame here is that because of a freak cold snap, climate legislation probably won’t pass this year, and because we are heading into an election, it probably won’t pass next year either. So if the planet really does have a conscience and a soul, then with the help of Global Warming deniers, this extreme winter might have sealed the planets fate. I’m certainly not one to believe in Earth Spirits, but who knows; maybe this is Gaia’s way of committing suicide?

HOW NEWS WORKS

2010-01-29T21:31:00.001-05:00

2010-01-28T21:44:00.001-05:00

ARE YOU A CRITICAL THINKER?

2010-01-28T21:05:00.003-05:00

Are you a critical thinker? I have a simple test for you. No, it is not a riddle involving a dead guy hanging in an empty room locked from the inside. (He was standing on a block of ice) The way to test whether you are a critical thinker is even easer then that. Have you ever heard of the following terms: a straw man argument, moving the goal posts, the Barnum effect, confirmation bias, Occam’s razor, false dichotomy, or an argument from final consequence?

If you have ever said you are a critical thinker and are not familiar with at least some of these terms, then the chances are, you are just talking out of your ass. (It’s ok. I do it all the time.) But to be clear, a person who calls himself a critical thinker and is not familiar with at least some of these terms is like a guy who calls himself a Christian but has never heard of that Jesus guy.

Critical thinkers try to use a formal set of rules to evaluate all claims. Let me repeat that. Critical Thinkers and Skeptics try to use rules for thinking. Critical thinking does not come naturally. It is not a result of being smart. In fact, it’s, anti-intuitive. It is a learned skill, one that requires continuing self education.

I will try to explain some of the above terms in future posts but until then the web sites I have at the bottom of my blog are a great place to start. They are all created by really smart and funny people and I can’t recommend them enough.
The rules that critical thinkers use might include identifying logical fallacies, or breaking down a claim into its component parts. I do this for fun. (God what is wrong with me?) And yes, I use this in my everyday life. I try to use critical thinking in all of my decisions (to my poor wife’s dismay) I do admit, I fail more often then I succeed, but I try. My wife has even figured out how to use this to her advantage. If she presents a logic argument in a formal manner and lets me know that she is doing so then she knows that the chances are good I will admit that she is right. (I hate when she does that). A recent example of this is when I wanted to spend our winter vacation in freezing Vermont and my wife, instead, wanted to go to in Mexico. It is because of her learned skills, in debate and critical thinking, that we are on our way to the beaches of sunny Cancun. See, Critical thinking is not so bad.

LEX LUTHOR'S REVENGE

2010-01-13T23:29:00.005-05:00

When someone says to me “You cannot prove there is no God,” I agree with him whole hardy. Why do I bring this up? Partially because I’m writing drunk again, but also, because someone wrote me and said my “Lex Luthor” post was a poor argument against the existence of God.

I am sorry the piece was unclear. It was not intended to disprove God. Believe me if I were setting my sights on God I wouldn’t bring up a comic book character. I might mention drowning children in tsunamis, but hey, I’m silly that way.

As brilliant as I imagine I am (usually directly correlated to how much wine I’ve consumed), I still would not be able to prove there is no God - because I cannot prove a negative. I cannot prove there are no blue polar bears, either.

In order to prove there are no blue polar bears, I would have to track down every polar bear in the world and hold a color chip up against his fur. Not only would this be logistically imposable (and dangerous), it still would not prove there were no blue polar bears. There would always be some schmuck who could say, I might have missed a bear, and he would be right.

In order to prove there is no God, first I would have to come up with a way to detect her. God’s invisible, right? Maybe I could see her with some kind of x-ray glasses, like that scene in “They Live.” That’s one problem to work on. But then, I would have to go to every corner of the universe with the x-ray glasses and take look around. And I would have to do this all at the same time because she might be moving. She could be on Jupiter while I was checking out Pluto. It would be challenging to say the least. So, I cannot prove God does not exist.

And here is where the believers, usually mess up. I do not HAVE to prove there is no God. I am not making the assertion - they are. It is their job to prove the existence of God, not mine to disprove it.

If a guy walks into a hospital dressed in nothing but the American flag and announces that cancer is caused by little Russian submarines in people’s blood streams, that’s all fine and dandy. He might be correct, but don’t expect doctors to start injecting patients with miniature depth charges. It is up to the patriotic nude guy to bring the evidence – maybe a microscope slide with the Nautilus drawn on it, something.

This is called “the Burden of Proof” and it is absolutely crucial for thinking logically. If we do not follow this rule then people would have to chase down every crackpot idea that was ever thought up buy every guy in a tinfoil hat and lunch meat in his shoes.

So some of you believe in God, frankly, I don’t care. But believe me; I DO care if you’re sitting around waiting for him or her, and that was the point of the article. If you are waiting for something to happen in your life, I consider that a wasted life. And, that makes me mad. Not mad because you believe in God, mad because of the waste. And make no mistake - the waste is present weather God exists or not. Because, if God exists, then he has already given you a gift far greater than merely assigning you a role while you’re here on Earth. He has given you free will. He has given you the ability to choose your own goals, your own destiny. So my final conclusion from that last post still stands, weather you’re an Atheist or Mother fucking Teresa. Do not settle for the life assigned to you. Get off your ass and start doing what you want to do!

MONKEYS EATING JELL-O

2010-01-02T12:10:00.001-05:00

Lets start off 2010 with something good - Monkeys eating Jello-O.

HEAVEN?

2009-12-27T11:01:00.002-05:00

The following is the elegy I delivered at my sister, Angela’s funeral this year. It’s not original. I lifted a lot of the ideas from all those grumpy web sites I’m always reading.

HEAVEN

Is there a Soul? Is there a heaven?

I don’t know if there is a soul. I don’t think what is essentially us leaves our bodies when we die. I think that what is essentially us leaves our body at all times - while we are still alive. It’s always radiating out, into the universe, every time we interact with other people. It’s like raindrops in a pond - the ripples we make spread out in all directions and affect all the other drops, made by all the other people around us. These make little waves that come back and lap up against us, and those in turn are changed again by more of our ripples, and on and on. This is an old idea, call it karma. Call it the interconnectedness of all things. Call it, just being nice.

I think the world is one giant soul-soup, in which we all make big and small ripples, and all the flavors melt together. What I say shapes you, what you say shapes me. When I remember something my sister said or did, or if some action she took or some kindness, changed me, made me think about what I was doing, then that was my sister’s wave, her soul, having its effect.

religion might have it backwards. I think, maybe, your soul doesn’t leave your body at the moment of your death. I think, maybe, it stops leaving your body, and begins existing as only an echo in the lives of others.

So, is there a soul? I don’t know.

Is there a heaven? Yes.

I definitely think so. There is a heaven, right here, in our minds and in our hearts, bouncing and reflecting in us, and through us, all those ripples and waves of all the people we have ever met, all the people we have ever loved. We radiate back out, to the world, everything that our loved ones ever were. Though our actions and through our deeds we, all of us, are the pond in which the raindrops fall. We, all of us, are forever, the heaven in which our loved ones now reside.

PAREIDOLIA

2009-12-18T22:11:00.004-05:00

I found these and many more on Buzz Feed. They are a collection of Virgin Mary sightings for 2009. The phenomenon is called pareidolia, the act of seeing specific images in vague shapes or smudges. We all do this when we look at a cloud and imagine a dog or fire truck. We are also doing it when we look at a satellite image from mars and see a human face.And yes the one at the end is a condom. I am so sorry.

LEX LUTHOR - HUMANIST

2009-12-07T23:45:00.005-05:00

I remember watching this cartoon a while back where Lex Luthor built this super powerful mega intelligent robot to destroy Super Man. As with all super powerful mega intelligent robots, the machine became sentient. Lex could no longer control it, so to get it out of the way; he sent it to the other side of the galaxy. But, the robot fought its way back from the edge of space and headed straight for Earth.
Being a man of means, Lex, persuaded all the Earths space agencies to confront the machine. Lex even talked the Justice League into helping protect him from the Robot. After all, he argued, the Justice League had pledged to protect all humanity (even Lex.) But nothing could stop the robot. The machine smashed all the defenses Earth could muster. Even the Super Heroes themselves were no match for this juggernaut.
In desperation Lex barricaded himself in a cement and steel re-enforced bunker, deep under LuthorCorp. But the robot crashed through the walls, effortlessly. Stone and metal exploded everywhere and Lex was thrown to the ground. The robot advanced and stood threateningly over the fallen billionaire. In a last ditch effort Lex attempted to reason with the machine. It was obviously powerful beyond description. What, he inquired, could the robot possibly want with little old Lex. Without missing a beat it said, It just wanted to ask Its creator (Lex) what It’s(the robot’s) purpose in life was.

Even though the robot was about to crush him, in true arrogant “Lex Luther style” the billionaire stood up looked the machine straight in the eye and said, “you idiot. We each make our own purpose in life.”
Nice message hidden in that cartoon. And I love the man’s pride, even in the face of certain death. If he wasn’t always trying to kill other people, I would have said Lex Luthor was a Secular Humanist. For that one moment, Lex got it absolutely right.
If you ever find yourself moping, around contemplating the meaning of life, if you’re ever confused about what you’re supposed to be doing with yourself or wondering If the universe or some god has some special purpose for you - then knock it off. Stand up, strap some balls on and realize we (each of us) make our own purpose in life - no one else.
Don’t ever justify a mediocre life by saying “well maybe god has some purpose for me that I don’t know about.” Or “I can’t do something because I have responsibilities to someone else.” BULLSHIT! You’re not an extra in someone else’s story. If you want to paint - then paint. If you want to write – then write. If you think you should be sailing around the world – take sailing lessons. Figure out what YOU want to do and if it doesn’t hurt other people, start doing it. Don’t sit around waiting for someone else to offer you the opportunity to do what you want to do. Go do it yourself, now! THE MEANING OF YOUR OWN LIFE IS DEFINED BY NO ONE, EXCEPT YOURSELF.
That’s one of the reasons why I write this silly little blog.

BEATLES 3000

2009-11-27T21:50:00.001-05:00

You see this is secretly about religion. Get it?

This is from Scott Gairdner at Loltarkill's Cannel. There is some great stuff there.

IN HONOR OF CARL SAGAN

2009-11-24T07:25:00.003-05:00

To celebrate Carl Sagan’s birthday this month I thought I would post some of his quotes:

I maintain there is much more wonder in science than in pseudoscience. And in addition, to whatever measure this term has any meaning, science has the additional virtue, and it is not an inconsiderable one, of being true.

In every country, we should be teaching our children the scientific method and the reasons for a Bill of Rights. With it comes a certain decency, humility and community spirit. In the demon-haunted world that we inhabit by virtue of being human, this may be all that stands between us and the enveloping darkness.

It is of interest to note that while some dolphins are reported to have learned English -- up to fifty words used in correct context -- no human being has been reported to have learned dolphinese.

One glance at a book and you hear the voice of another person, perhaps someone dead for 1,000 years. To read is to voyage through time.

Science is not only compatible with spirituality; it is a profound source of spirituality.

A celibate clergy is an especially good idea, because it tends to suppress any hereditary propensity toward fanaticism.

But the fact that some geniuses were laughed at does not imply that all who are laughed at are geniuses. They laughed at Columbus, they laughed at Fulton, they laughed at the Wright brothers. But they also laughed at Bozo the Clown.

In science it often happens that scientists say, 'You know that's a really good argument; my position is mistaken,' and then they would actually change their minds and you never hear that old view from them again. They really do it. It doesn't happen as often as it should, because scientists are human and change is sometimes painful. But it happens every day. I cannot recall the last time something like that happened in politics or religion.

For me, it is far better to grasp the Universe as it really is than to persist in delusion, however satisfying and reassuring.

This was a great man. If you have never read Carl Sagan’s book, “The Demon Haunted World,” you are truly missing out.

CRITICAL THINKING IN ACTION!!!

2009-11-08T22:39:00.004-05:00

I blather on about Critical Thinking all the time but what does that mean specifically? Recently, someone sent me an article in reference to my post entitled Going Gault. Thanks for the article. I love all comments. Please write me. (Really, I’m so lonely.)

I agree with most of what the commenter said, but this article that he sent is another matter. It’s a piece of crap. But the article is useful in one way. It is great to analyze for CRITICAL THINKING IN ACTION!!! (For future referencing to this post please note that three exclamation points after the title are always required)

Basically the article says that between 2000 and 2008 people left New York in droves because of high taxes, and now the state’s tax base is hurting. The lesson - if you tax the rich, you’ll be sorry.

First, this piece is from the tabloid paper, The New York Post. According to a 2004 survey by Pace University, The Post was rated the least-credible major news outlet in New York. The article quotes a study by the “Empire Center for New York State Policy.” It isn’t mentioned until the end of the article, that the Empire Center is part of the Neo-Conservative think tank, The Manhattan Institute. The author should have stated this at the top of the article.

Neither of these facts gives us the right to dismiss the article offhand. If we did we would be committing a logical fallacy called, “Ad Hominem” (attacking the source of the information instead of the information itself). I recall even the National Enquirer breaking legitimate news stories on at least two occasions. So we can’t call “bullshit” yet, but it is ok for us to get out our galoshes.

Now, to analyze the content of the article itself using CRITICAL THINKING IN ACTION!!!

I don’t question the assertion that New York had a large exodus between the years 2000 to 2008 (especially from Manhattan, as the article states). But, what does the Empire Center offer as the reasons for this large population move? They say high taxes are the culprit, but offer no proof. If they could show that taxes went up greatly in NY during that same time period this would support their assertion. The Post commits the fallacy of incomplete comparison.

If they then showed other examples of states loosing there population because of raising taxes then this would also help support their conclusion, but they do not. This could be considered cherry picking results. On top of that, if they showed that the exodus from Manhattan was different from the movement of populations of other cities in the US during the same time period, then they might really be on to something. For all we know, NY’s declining population might just be part of a larger national trend of Americans moving to the suburbs. In this case The Post’s sampling group is too small (basically one).

Also, maybe I am wrong, but wasn’t the city of New York governed by a Republican mayor for most of that time period? Aren’t Republicans supposed to be known for their ability to lower taxes? (Inconsistent comparison)

Lastly, is there some other event that occurred between 2000 and 2008 (other than rising taxes) that might also help explain the reason people would want to flee the city of New York in droves? Maybe something that happened in the city of New York around September of 2001, perhaps? The article blatantly commits the fallacy of assuming single cause.

Is it any wonder no one writes me?

WHY CAN’T WE ADMIT IT?

2009-10-24T23:30:00.004-04:00

A new poll shows that the number of Americans who believe scientist’s warnings about global warming is presently at 57%. This is a drop of 20 percentage points in just three years. It reminded me of a discussion I had with a (non-specified) relative a while back. We were talking about global warming and he said that he wasn’t worried about rising sea levels. It did not matter if the ice at the poles melted because when icebergs melt, they do not change the overall sea level.

I said he was wrong, and started mercilessly attacking the right wing conservative news media that he listens to. He countered with a fact that he thought would blow me out of the icy water. As the cubes melt in your full glass of soda, the liquid does not overflow. How could I explain that! He was so pleased with himself. My retort was ready. To be honest, I heard it on one of those lefty tree hugging shows I always listen to. But I was going to enjoy repeating it. I actually got out of my chair, walked over and sat down next to him to deliver the chilling blow. I said Climate scientists are not worried that the melting icebergs at the North Pole will change sea levels. They are worried about the giant ice sheets that cover all of Greenland and the Antarctica. I sat back in my chair and waited for his gracious reply. Naïve me. I assumed he would say something like, “wow Nick. I hadn’t thought about that, thanks. Maybe I should reevaluate some of the media sources that I get my science news from. Golly, you sure are a great (non-specified) relative. What he said instead was, “I said melting ice does not change water level. Nick, I am right. Why can’t you admit it?” - I’m such an idiot.

a little something till next post….

2009-10-10T21:44:00.003-04:00

They lie and fight and spit and cheat and …cats litter.

They growl and bite and don’t brush their teeth and…cats litter.

My home is a mess, though I try to stay neat but …cats litter.

There’s crunching and rocks under my feet because…cats litter.

Large mud tracks everywhere in spite of small feet and…cats litter.

Christ, my house is a wreck and so are my sheets because…cats litter.

OH NO, rocks in my food and, God what’s in my teeth, it’s…CATS LITTER.

Cats Litter.

cats litter.

AND THE WORLD GOES ON

2009-09-27T12:03:00.002-04:00

There is this website that I have stumbled upon, that I would like to share with you all. It’s called World Clock and it’s quite extraordinary. It is a running odometer that calculates the world population (to the person) as you watch. One line continually clicks off the number of births on the planet while another, clicks off the number of people dying. It breaks the deaths down into categories: cardiovascular, cancer, traffic accidents, violence, falls…

The site has other statistics on it also: the rising temperature of the earth, cars rolling off the assembly line, oil being produced…

Some of the statistics change unexpectedly slowly, like the number of couples divorcing in the US. Others whiz by surprisingly quickly, like the number of computers being produced.

As I describe it, you might think this site would make you crazy, watching the world, unchecked, spiral out of control, but surprisingly it has the opposite effect on me.

When I think about my own personal world clock I become anxious, thinking about my rising debt, my middle age or that deadline at work - all of them odometers spinning out of control. Then I turn my mind over to the World Clock on the internet and look at that meter and suddenly my own odometer slows. Compared to the internet odometer mine is moving at a snail’s pace.

There is another site where you can watch a satellite image of the planet as it moves from daylight into night. The entire Earth is uncurled like one of those 1950’s maps. As countries and continents move into night, you can watch the lights of their cities beginning to come on. Glowing threads trying to fight off the darkness. If you’re watching and you happen to be in that darkness, you can see which parts of the world are waking up, slowly, coming out into the light.

Both of these sites calm me. They are both illustrating the same thing. It is the world moving forward, sometimes toward the dark, sometimes toward the light. Even the deaths on the world clock are not frightening. They’re movement – and movement is life. If you have a minute, click over to the two sites, I think you’ll find them as hypnotic as I do. In the time it took you to read this, there were 587 people were born.

OBAMA BREAKS BUSH’S RECORD!

2009-09-12T09:30:00.001-04:00

EVIL NICK - Well, President Obama’s done it. He has broken Bush’s record for number of days in his first year without a catastrophic terrorist attack. Bush said it best after receiving an August 6^th 2001 briefing entitled “Bin Laden determined to strike in the US.” The then President didn’t ask follow-up questions. He didn’t order more investigation into the threat. His only response to the aid was “Ok, you covered your ass.” And let’s not forget the 7 minutes of inaction President Bush wasted after being told a plane hit the second tower. Ok, you’re right, you got me. The 7 minute thing is just liberal propaganda dreamed up by Michel Moore. The filmmaker got it completely wrong. According to the independent 9/11 commission it was just 5 minutes Bush sat doing nothing after he was told the United States was under attack. Watch the You Tube split screen of those minutes. In this nuclear age do you know how long 5 minutes are? Try sitting there now, not talking, not doing anything, for five minutes. There is a reason that on the anniversary of that terrible day we observe a minute of silence, because we couldn’t keep everyone’s attention for 5 minutes. I wish that shoe had hit him right in the nose.

DOES DIGITAL MEDIA MAKE PRINTED BOOKS WORTHLESS?

2009-08-26T23:20:00.011-04:00

For the last couple of days I have been corresponding with someone on Facebook about healthcare. (I promise this Post will not be about healthcare) He would write something and I would respond. And yes, all of my responses were just as lengthy and boring as you might imagine. Yesterday, my computer alerted me that my sparring partner had struck again. Another challenge! I couldn't wait to rush home and post yet another, oh so clever retort. The strange thing is when I went to respond, my adversary’s latest post was gone, along with all his previous posts. All that were left were my responses. Standing alone they looked like the rambling of a crazy person. If you read them without seeing his stuff it seemed very much like I would write something then wander away only to return moments later to answer questions no one had asked, as though I was responding to voices in my head, only I could hear. I was arguing about Lyndon Johnson for god’s sake. But I swear he brought it up first! All digital media is fluid. Like the ocean, do not trust it or you will surely drown.

Have you heard about the Kindle? It’s a small digital note pad that allows you to purchase and download digital books through Amazon. In July of this year many owners of the Kindle woke up to find that the copy of George Orwell’s book 1984 they had previously purchased, had been deleted from their notepad without their permission. Their bank accounts and credit cards had been credited the amount that they had paid for the book. It seems that because of some mix up, Amazon did not really have the right to sell 1984. So their solution – sent out a command to all Kendal’s to delete Orwell’s book. The irony writes itself.

One of the good things about digital books is that they can be updated automatically, handy if there is a typo. But, what happens if the book is a political nonfiction, say about a war or a previous administration. What if the author writes something that someone else thinks is libelous? To avoid a law suit, does the publisher send out a signal through the internet to remove the offending passages. Do all digital books become sterilized, cleansed of all political incorrectness? Where will we turn if we want to find the original texts of some long dead author? In the future, will real printed books become more valuable because they cannot be easily changed?

Now, the inevitable slide into dorkiness. I remember this episode of Star Trek were Captain Kirk was being court marshaled for some crime he did not commit. To help defend him they found this crusty old lawyer who insisted on toting a mountain of law books with him wherever he traveled. Kirk asked the old man why he didn’t just use his computer. Holding up a book the lawyer said, “This is where the law is. Not in that homogenized pasteurized synthesized - you want to know the law, the ancient concepts in their own language? …learn the intent of the men who wrote them -Books.” Books are cool.