Top Ten GENERIC News Stories for 2010, 2011, 2012…

1) Drunk (or high) celebrity had a meltdown this year outside his home (restaurant, nightclub, hotel room). Onlookers were shocked (not surprised) to hear the beloved movie (TV, reality show)star, screaming curses and tossing racial slurs (shoes) at his wife (girl friend, a male prostitute). Spokesperson for the celebrity said that the cause of the incident stemmed from problems the star was having with the dosage of his medication. The celebrity has checked into rehab and is in the processes of a complete lifestyle overhaul.

2) The country was riveted as boy (dog, miners) were successfully rescued from a well (mineshaft, hot air balloon). Rescuers toiled with shovels (skyhooks) around the clock, as time was quickly running out. Everyone cheered as the boy (dog, miners) was pulled up (lowered down) to safety. He (they) thanked God for being rescued.

3) Think-tank estimates that countless hours of productivity were lost this year as millions tuned in to watch the sporting event (trial) of the century. Many watched at the office or merely stayed home from work as the playoffs (jury selection) dragged on for days. The victory (verdict) turned out to be an unprecedented upset. Cities experienced two days of rioting afterwards.

4) Terrible natural disaster in Haiti, (the Philippines, New Orleans) causes world to rethink their emergency preparedness. This quickly passes as news cycle redirects our attention to newest movie (Ipod, celebrity meltdown).

5) As the war in Afghanistan (Iraqi, Vietnam, Korea) drags on president Obama (Nixon, Kennedy) vows to bring the troops home in about 18 months. Critics of the President say that time tables for withdrawal just emboldens our enemies, while supporters of the President say it is not soon enough.

6) Scientist announce a breakthrough in genetics (nanotechnology, super conductors) giving us new insights into how the universe (magnets) work. Although scientists caution that any practical application of this technology is still months (years, decades) away news media reports this new technology could eventually lead to a cancer cure (free energy, invisibility cloak).

7) The economy was one of the top stories of the year, as the recession (recovery) was slower (faster) than expected. As Liberals called for more spending in new industries, Conservatives called for lower taxes and increased military spending, as the only way to speed the recovery (slow the overheated economy, fight tooth decay).

8) Something horrible happened in the Middle East. Many people died.

9) The nation split down party lines as newest controversy involving immigration (gay rights, daylight savings time). Conservatives balked at the new ideas, which they consider to be blatantly anti- family (Christian, free market, hunting,). Liberals failed to clearly present their side of the issue, but struggled to do so anyway, forgetting that ten years from now the Conservatives will whole hardily accept the new idea as one of the foundations of American values.

10) New technological gadget will revolutionize the way we communicate (watch TV, sleep, make toast). The new device, introduced by Apple (Apple, Apple) changes the way humans receive (process, store, trade, fold) information (bread). The first people to buy the computer (phone, wrist breakfast maker) say the device works perfectly but needed to have a built in camera, which apple says will definitely be included in the next version’s design.

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