Rational Crank

Will I get a raise? Is my boyfriend cheating on me? Should I take that job in Poughkeepsie? I am amused that psychics who claim to talk to the dead seem to restrict their inquiries to such mundane questions. It seems to me that “mediums,” such as John Edward, who supposedly possess the incredible skills of being able to converse with people beyond the grave, are doing humanity a enormous disservice by not asking more significant questions. I’ve been thinking about this and have come up with a few questions (if given the opportunity) I would  ask a dead person. What’s the temperature there? I know that sounds like a dumb question, but consider the implications for science if it were established that there really was an afterlife. Physics alone would progress by leaps and bounds if given just a little information about the physical properties of another dimension. Are there atoms or is there magnetism in heaven? Is there any matter at all? Is there...

The Internet Abuse Recovery Course is an eight step program, designed to get you off the wireless I.V. cold turkey. It is run by Reverend Julius K Tanly, a former social worker and Best Buy computer repair technician. It was a muggy evening in August and the meeting was being held in the basement of the 127th street Community Center. I was there to satisfy a court order in connection with a chat room etiquette infraction. As I waited for the meeting to get started I surveyed the other social defects around me. I’ve seen all these types before. Sure, there were the hackers and the scam artists (those are just common criminals) but there were also the real deviants - the cretins whose pictures you see in the center square of the Wal-Mart Bingo, websites. Hovering next to the doughnuts, was a guy who can’t stop posting LOL cat photos. I spotted him first, because he had maine coon hair stuck to his 5 o’clock shadow and his clothes smelled heavily of urine. Like all the people of his i...

NPR, Washington Post, CBS News, Time Magazine, this guy is getting a lot of press. If I were Harold Camping, let me tell you what I would do. (If you don’t know, Harold Camping is the guy behind all those billboards that say the world will be ending on May 21st.) If I were Harold, I would disappear on the 21st, lay low, check into a hotel under another name or go sleep in an RV someplace where I would not be identified. Then about two weeks later, I would just pop up on my Family Radio show and say I’ve been to heaven. That’s right, I would say, I have seen the almighty himself, and he has sent me back to deliver wisdom and knowledge to you, the unworthy and smelly masses. If Camping did that, he would be an instant messiah. It wouldn’t matter if most people wouldn’t believe him. He would still increase his following by about a thousand percent. He wouldn’t even have to be careful about his disappearance. If later, let’s say, some investigative reporter where to figure out where he ...

I’ve always said that if presented with solid evidence for the supernatural, I would change my mind. My brother-in-law, who I care about very much, has been having health problems. Recently he had a seizure and was taken to the hospital. I received reports from his children throughout the day. The doctors requested he stay overnight for observation. As I went to bed that evening, his condition weighed heavily on my mind. At around 2 o’clock I woke with an uneasy feeling. Unable to fall back to sleep, I decided to get up and get a glass of water. When I walked into the living room, I was startled by a shadow in the dark room. This might sound contrived but what followed changed my view of the entire world. I turned on the light and sitting on the couch in a hospital gown was my brother-in-law. I know, this sounds like a story, but this really did happen to me. He sat there silent. I asked him what he was doing there. He did not answer. He didn’t have to. I knew what had happened. I...

I’ve been working some long hours this month so I didn’t even remember when my birthday came around. On the day, I couldn't even be sure it was my birthday; because you see, like our president, I to do not have a birth certificate. I only have a C ertificate of Live Birth issued by the state in which I was born. What good is that? I was confused and sad.   But then I turned on my computer and saw all the birthday wishes I had on my Facebook page. Now I am certain and overjoyed.   IT REALY WAS MY BIRTHDAY! THANK YOU ALL