Rational Crank

As I write this, in the year 7 AWM (after wardrobe malfunction), the terrain that stretches before me is a scorched burned-out wasteland. We should have listened to the conservative pundits on the TV and radio. When they said that “the malfunction” would destroy society, we mocked them. When they described it as a Grotesque peep show, we labeled it a manufactroversy. We laughed, calling it The Boob Bomb and Nipplegate. We should have heeded their warnings. Now it’s too late. Now in hindsight, we see how right the conservatives actually were. Like the lone lookout on the bow of the titanic, begging the captain to slow down. He alone knew that soon the cloak of night would be ripped away to reveal the towering, dark, silhouette of destruction, which was Janet Jackson’s breast.

Do you believe that in the far off future, cats will don pressure suits and traverse the great void of space? They will become brave explorers, piercing the haunting unknowns of the universe. And with their catnip powered spacecraft, they will combat the evil Mouse Insurgent, working to bring peace to the Interplanetary Cat Federation…. Am I the only one who thinks about these things?  

They wouldn’t understand a word we say, so we’ll scratch it all down into the clay, half believing there will sometime come a day, someone gives a damn, maybe when the concrete has crumbled to sand. I love They Might Be Giants so I thought I might start out the New Year with their video “The Mesopotamians.” For all my fellow bloggers, I thought I would counter the depressing message in the song with a few words about the “Giants” mentioned in the lyrics. Sargon - While only a baby, his high priestess mother placed him in a basket of rushes and cast him adrift in a river (sound familiar, this was way before Charlton Heston). Found and raised by a court gardener, he rose in the royal household to become king. He reigned from 2270 to 2215 BCE and is sometimes regarded as the first person in recorded history to create a multiethnic, centrally ruled empire. Sargon's vast empire is known to have extended from Elam to the Mediterranean Sea, including Mesopotamia, parts of modern-da

1) Drunk (or high) celebrity had a meltdown this year outside his home (restaurant, nightclub, hotel room). Onlookers were shocked (not surprised) to hear the beloved movie (TV, reality show)star, screaming curses and tossing racial slurs (shoes) at his wife (girl friend, a male prostitute). Spokesperson for the celebrity said that the cause of the incident stemmed from problems the star was having with the dosage of his medication. The celebrity has checked into rehab and is in the processes of a complete lifestyle overhaul. 2) The country was riveted as boy (dog, miners) were successfully rescued from a well (mineshaft, hot air balloon). Rescuers toiled with shovels (skyhooks) around the clock, as time was quickly running out. Everyone cheered as the boy (dog, miners) was pulled up (lowered down) to safety. He (they) thanked God for being rescued. 3) Think-tank estimates that countless hours of productivity were lost this year as millions tuned in to watch the sporting event (tri

Until I have time to write some more angry skeptical rants here is a frolicking reindeer.  ok, maybe its an elk.

My wife and I were out with another couple and their daughter the other night. Since it is nearly Christmas, I asked the little girl the obligatory question, “what is Santa bringing you.” The seven year old responded coldly, by stating there is no Santa Clause. I glanced over at the parents. Obviously displeased with their daughter’s discovery, they were rolling their collective eyes. Without revealing my own position on the subject, I asked the little girl why she did not believe in Santa.

How would you like to be a spotted elephant or a choo choo with square wheels on your caboose or a water pistil that shoots jelly? We’re all misfits! Click on the page fold to read more.