Rational Crank

I know what you’ve been feeling. The president should do something about this oil spill. He should personally take charge of the capping effort. You imagine Barack Obama on a Naval destroyer. His one hand grasping the rigging, leaning past the bow of the ship, his other hand shading his eyes, as he scans the watery horizon for any sign of the source of the oil. When the ship finally arrives at the epicenter of the disaster, the President has already stripped down to a bathing suit, in preparation for what everyone knows he must do. Executing a perfect swan dive, he plunges into the thick black whirlpool, a large shark knife clenched between his teeth. Ok, maybe that’s not what you are imagining. I don’t know. You are going to have to work out all that homoerotic fantasizing yourself. I can’t help you. Either way, you need to accept the idea that Barack Obama is not going to get involved with this emergency, and contrary to what you’re feeling, that’s probably a good thing.

A lightning strike, recently, in by backyard, completely obliterated one of my cypress trees. Was this the act of an angry god, punishing me for being an Atheist? Was it like the time the almighty sent a hurricane to Orlando to punish us for Gay Days but missed Disney? What about the time he tried to punish New Orleans for their debauchery, but missed Bourbon Street? I’ll say one thing for God; he sure is a lousy shot.

Yesterday I was quietly sitting at my computer writing (ok surfing for pictures of woman in slave Princess Leia outfits) with my cat lounging innocently on my desk next to me when my wife burst into the office with a pair of scissors. “It’s time to take the stitches out of the cat,” She said ominously. It had been 14 days since our cat (Mr. Sneaches) had minor surgery to remove a large mole. I was shocked at her statement. “I’ll make an appointment with the vet tomorrow,” I said. “Then one of us will have to take off from work. Let’s just do it ourselves, right now!” she jeered while focusing the desk lamp on the unsuspecting victim. “Are you insane? You’re not a Vet. You don’t know what you are doing,” I protested shielding the cat from her advance. “Come on. It’s no big deal. You get under the knot and, snip, snip, snip.” I was convinced she was out of her mind. This delicate procedure could only be carried out in a modern sterile surgical arena and only by a team of highly tr...

This week the Texas Board of Education adopted new teaching guidelines which include the following: deluding the rationale behind separation of church and state, removing Thomas Jefferson as an example of an influential political philosopher (because he was a secularist) and teaching that McCarthyism was justified. So you’re saying to yourself, “that’s Texas. They have the right to teach their kids whatever they want.” The problem is that national book publishers don’t usually make different school books for different states. The Texas market is so large the rest of the nation gets stuck with their school books.

I don’t want my blog to be about religion all the time (really) but:  Monday, attorneys for the Vatican will be defending themselves against a sexual abuse claim brought against them in a federal court. “The Vatican is expected to assert that bishops aren't its employees because they aren't paid by Rome, don't act on Rome's behalf and aren't controlled day-to-day by the pope - factors courts use to determine whether employers are liable for the actions of their employees, (The Vatican's U.S. attorney, Jeffrey ) Lena told the AP. He said he would suggest to the court that it should avoid using the religious nature of the relationship between bishops and the pope as a basis for civil liability because it entangles the court in an analysis of religious doctrine that dates back to the apostles.” - Associated press THESE FUCKING GUYS!